


There'll Be Peace When You Are Done

by blackimpala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt, Episode Fix-It: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Fix-It, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, M/M, Pining, this is a big fuck you to s15e20 Carry On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:01:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 32,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27861961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackimpala/pseuds/blackimpala
Summary: “Do you really think that it’s possible to bring Cas back?” Sam asks in that tone that Dean hates because it means that his brother isn’t fully on board with something. “Jack didn’t really think that it could be done.”“I don’t care,” Dean says, looking at his brother with determination. “I’ll bring him back home. I’m not gonna let Cas rot in the Empty. I’ll find him and I’ll bring him home. He deserves to be saved. He deserves to be alive.”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 147
Kudos: 430
Collections: The Destiel Fan Survey Favs Collection





	1. Inherit the Earth

**Author's Note:**

> I hated how Cas was forgotten in the end of 15x19. And I fucking hated what they did in 15x20; the story and the characters deserved so much better than what they got. So, I'm wiritng my own ending, because I refuse to accept what happened in canon.
> 
> The first chapter is set on 15x19, but I add some things that didn't happen and I change a few other things. Just telling you in advance.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this. Also, I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes that you might find; my mother tongue isn't English.

Dean can’t stop crying.

He only manages to control his tears when he picks up the phone and he is able to keep his voice steady. Sam tells him where he has to drive to and then hangs up. Dean barely notices the fear in his brother’s voice; he wonders if Sam could hear the despair in Dean’s voice, but he is sure he didn’t. When you spend all your life burying your feelings because you are forced to, you become an expert in pretending to be okay. You wear a mask to hide your real face so often that you wonder if that mask has embedded into your skin. You wonder if that mask is more you than your real face.

Dean rubs his face and dries the trail of his tears. He avoids looking at the wall where the Empty appeared; he has the image of Cas being taken away in front of him, looking happier than Dean had ever seen him, burned in his memories. If he closes his eyes, he can perfectly see how that thing took Cas.

If he closes his eyes, he can relive those last five minutes with Cas. He can see Cas’ face as he listens to all those wonderful things that no one else had ever told Dean. He can see the tears in his eyes, the sad and yet somehow happy smile as he told him that he had changed him. He can see the emotion in every inch of his face as he confessed his truth.

_“I love you.”_

The pain in his chest becomes so unbearable that Dean starts crying and sobbing again. Cas loved him. Cas told him that he loved him, and Dean didn’t say anything. Everything was going so fast; Cas was going to die, he was saying all those beautiful words about Dean and telling him that he loved him, and Dean could only just watch.

Cas sacrificed himself to save Dean, and Dean couldn’t even tell him that he loved him, too.

“I wasn’t worth it, Cas,” Dean sobs in the emptiness of the dungeon. “I wasn’t worth dying for.”

He keeps crying, trying to let it all out. But he knows the pain will always be there. This is a wound that won’t ever heal. It will be there, always.

But the worst thing is that part of him believes that Cas will come back; he has always come back to Dean, so this time Cas has to come back. But Dean knows that it won’t happen, because Chuck is against them and Jack is powerless; there is no possible way to get into the Empty and get Cas back.

Dean will never see Cas again. He knows it, but he can’t accept it.

He keeps crying, until his pain seems to dull itself, and when it does, he leaves the dungeon and heads to the Impala.

He buries his feelings, like he always does. He has decades of experience of pretending to be fine, only to break into million pieces when no one is around.

The world has gone to shit and Sam and Jack are waiting for him. Dean needs to put on his façade and be the person they need him to be. He can act like he is only slightly hurt and hide the fact that his heart has been broken in so many pieces that he doesn’t know if he will be able to put it back together. He can act as if he didn’t want to tear down the whole universe and find a way to get Cas back. He can act as if he hadn’t lost the love of his life.

After all, Dean Winchester is the great pretender. He has always been.

But not to Cas. Cas always saw his true face and managed to see the light in between his darkness even when Dean couldn’t. And Cas still loved him.

At that thought, Dean tightens the grip on the wheel and lets a few more tears fall down.

* * *

“He saved me,” Dean answers when Jack asks him where Cas is. “Billie was coming after us and Cas summoned the Empty.” His mind replays the events again, and he tries so hard to stop those memories. “It took her.” He makes a pause, knowing that his next words are going to be hard. Because it he says them out loud, they make the event real. And right now he feels numb, because part of him can’t process that he lost Cas. “And it took him.” He can still see the scene developing in front of him, and Dean tries so hard to keep himself together that he manages to suppress most of the pain and anguish in his heart. He is a man going through the motions. “Cas is gone,” Dean finally states, and his broken heart breaks even more.

Somehow, Dean is able to keep going through the motions after that, to look more or less fine, as fine as somebody can expect from someone who has just lost their best friend.

His mask is thick and it hides the true fact; that he lost his best friend and the love of his life.

Now that Cas is gone, no one can see through Dean Winchester’s mask. No one can see the real Dean.

* * *

They make it back to the bunker after failing to convince Chuck to bring everyone back and Cas if Dean and Sam killed each other.

They drive back home is spent in silence and Dean doesn’t feel like the owner of his actions; he’s just an spectator. One moment, they are leaving the place where they met Chuck, and the next, they are in Lebanon, driving towards the bunker.

Once they are in the garage, Sam says something about discussing what they are going to do next, but Dean tells him to wait until tomorrow, because he can’t do this right now. He tells Sam and Jack that it’s been a tiring day, and he needs some rest. Besides, they have all the time in the world now. Deciding what to do next can wait for a few hours.

Sam agrees. Jack simply nods.

They say goodnight to each other and each one of them retires to their respective bedrooms.

Dean closes the door behind him. He presses his forehead against the cold surface and lets out a long and heavy sigh. He is so tired, physically and mentally. And he is still so damn hurt.

He looks at his jacket and he absently touches the bloody handprint Cas left before he died. He squeezes the fabric and he starts sobbing again, only this time he does it silently, not wanting to risk being heard.

“Cas,” Dean sobs.

His legs give up and he ends up on his knees, silently crying as his hand fists the reminder of Cas’ sacrifice.

It started with Cas’ handprint on Dean’s shoulder and it has now ended with Cas’ bloody handprint on Dean’s shoulder. Two reminders of Cas saving Dean.

After a while, his crying subsides. Dean takes a deep breath, feeling some sort of ache in his lungs. He rubs his sore eyes and his swollen face, removing every trace of his tears. He closes his eyes and he sees Cas saying goodbye.

He should have stopped him, he should have done something. Why didn’t he do anything? Why didn’t he say anything? He was shocked. Dean Winchester, who has fought so many monsters since he was a child, who has gone to Hell and Purgatory, was paralyzed when the man he loved confessed his love for him and decided to sacrifice himself in order to save Dean.

“Fuck,” Dean mumbles into the quietness of his bedroom.

If only he could have told Cas that he loved him. It wouldn’t have changed much; after all, Cas would have still died, but at least, he would have died knowing that Dean loved him.

But unfortunately, Dean has never been able to word his feelings.

He takes a shaky breath and stands up, feeling as if his legs were made of jelly. Slowly, he takes off his jacket. He stares at the bloody handprint for a while, feeling his eyes tearing up for the millionth time.

He decides to put it in a drawer and keep it there. He isn’t going to get rid of it. That jacket is the last thing he has of Cas. He obviously won’t get rid of that jacket.

Dean turns around a looks at his bed. He should sleep, he needs to sleep, but he is scared of the nightmares he will have tonight. He knows he is going to dream about Cas’ death over and over again. He can’t go back to sleep. He doesn’t want to relive that.

He changes his clothes and leaves his bedroom. He walks to the kitchen and grabs several beers, holding as many as he can, and he goes to the library, where he switches on his laptop and tries to look for something to distract him.

Neither the alcohol nor the laptop works. The pain is there. The memories of Cas’ words are there. The sight of Cas dying is still there.

Eventually, Dean decides to drink the bottle of whiskey. He has drunk all the beers he carried with him, and he needs something stronger, something that can dull the pain of losing Cas, the pain of being aware that they will never see each other again, the pain of knowing that Cas loved him and that Dean didn’t say anything back.

After drinking half of the whiskey, Dean begins to pray. He knows it’s useless, but he is drunk, hopeless and hurt. It’s not like he has anything left to lose.

“Cas, you fucking idiot,” Dean begins to say. He looks at the ceiling; he has a habit of looking up when he prays. “You shouldn’t have done that. You shouldn’t have sacrificed yourself for my sorry ass. I ain’t worth it. And I’m fucking mad at you because you got yourself killed ‘cause of me. You’re dead ‘cause you loved me.” He chokes a sob as he says the last sentence. “You loved me, you fucking loved me. And you told me in the fucking worst moment.”

He lets out a painful chuckle. He closes his eyes and feels more tears running down his face. He takes a long swig of the whiskey, barely feeling the burn of the liquid in his throat. His body feels numb, but the pain is still present in his heart. It is the only thing he can feel; that constant and unbearable pain.

“Cas,” Dean continues, sounding more broken than before. “I can’t— I can’t do this without you. I fucking can’t. You shouldn’t have done it. You died ‘cause of me. Because I fucked up and ‘cause you loved me. You loved me more than I deserved. And all that stuff you said—” He shudders and lets out a quiet wail. “Cas, I— I shoulda stopped you. Or at least I shoulda told you how I feel. And now you’re gone, and I’m stuck here, unable to do shit, regretting everything, and I fucking can’t anymore, Cas. I fucking can’t. You should be here. You should be alive. Why did you have to do it? Why the fuck did you have to save me? I ain’t worth it. You deserved better. So much fucking better.”

Dean takes a long swig of the whiskey, almost emptying the bottle.

“You always come back, Cas,” Dean prays in a lower but more painful voice. “Come back to me, Cas, please. Come back, like you always do.”

He opens his eyes and finds the library empty.

To avoid crying even more, Dean keeps drinking.

He drinks until he ends up asleep on the floor.

Eventually, Sam kicks him awake.

“You okay?” Sam asks.

“I feel terrific,” Dean answers.

The pain in his heart is still present and is now joined by a terrible headache. Dean wishes for the headache to get worse. Maybe then, he will be able to only feel a headache instead of heartache, because headaches are more bearable than a broken heart.

* * *

Dean’s head is clearer now, but he is still aching; he can’t stop thinking about Cas. He tries to focus on what is going on, because they now have Michael in the bunker, but Cas’ death is still present in Dean’s mind. And every once in a while, he finds himself replaying every single word Cas told him before he summoned the Empty.

He needs to focus on defeating Chuck. Cas would want him to keep fighting, he would want him to end up this war and he would want him to keep going no matter what, but it is so hard to do so when you have lost the man you loved. He wants to be the man Cas believed him to be, the one who did things for love, but Dean can’t see that man anywhere. He isn’t sure if he was there at all.

But he wants to try, damn it, he really wants to be the man Cas deserved, but Dean is hopeless, hurt and tired. Besides, Dean doesn’t know how to not hate himself; the self-loathing has always been there, marked on his skin like a tattoo. But he wants to try to accept himself, just like Cas did, and he wants to try to fight so Cas’ sacrifice wasn’t in vain. As much as he still mourns Cas’ loss and as much as he hates that Cas sacrificed himself for Dean, Dean wants to try to be better. It’s the least he can do. Even if it might be too late to do that now.

But it is so damn hard to put himself back together.

It also doesn’t help that Michael can’t read Death’s book. The only hope they had left has turn to ashes.

“So, where does this leave us?” Sam asks in the eerie silence of the kitchen. “We need that book open, and we're out of options.”

“Where's it leave us?” Dean replies. “Screwed. I'm sure Chuck's ready to make a move.”

Neither Sam nor Dean says a word.

Suddenly, Dean’s phone rings. He wonders who it might be. The only people alive are the ones currently in the bunker plus Chuck.

But then, Dean sees Cas’ name on his phone screen.

“What?” Dean asks in disbelief, and his stomach does a weird flip. Sam looks at him with a frown and Dean answers the call, putting him on speaker. “Cas?”

“Dean, I’m here,” Cas says. Hope begins to build inside Dean’s chest, but something keeps it at bay because Cas sounds distressed. But still, it’s Cas, talking to him. “I’m hurt. Can you let me in?”

Without wasting a second, Dean stands up and runs towards the stairs.

Cas is there. He is hurt, but he is there. Cas is alive. Cas came back to him. Fuck, he came back after all.

Dean runs, and when he is at the front door, he hesitates for a second, because he doesn’t know if he should tell Cas that he loves him or kiss him when he sees him. He should probably first take care of him, but he is going to make sure first that Cas knows how he feels, because he deserves to know. He died without knowing and he needs to know now.

So Dean opens the door, ready to greet Cas and confess his love or kiss him. But when he opens the door, he finds Lucifer.

Dean closes the door and he feels as if his heart was being stabbed.

For a moment he thought that Cas was back. But he wasn’t. He thought that Cas had come back, that they were going to see each other again, that he had come back to him like he always did.

For a moment he dared to hope, and that hope has crushed him even more. He doesn’t know how he manages to stay on his feet, because he feels like he is being crushed onto the floor.

He wants to skin Lucifer.

* * *

“You sure this’ll work?” Dean asks. They have barely discussed their plan because they don’t want to risk Michael hearing them. They know he will betray them, so they know they can’t talk about their plan explicitly.

“Yeah,” Sam says. He grabs a book from one of the shelves of the archives and he starts to turn the pages.

Dean is impressed by how well Sam is going through this. After Eileen died, Sam has been keeping his shit together fairly well. He knows his brother is mourning as well, but he knows that if they pull this off, he will get back Eileen.

Dean, however, knows that he won’t get Cas back. So it’s hard for him to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sam has always been the faithful and hopeful one. Although Dean started to have faith and hope once Cas appeared in his life. But every time Cas is gone, that faith and hope goes away.

Although not completely. There is always a part in Dean that expects that Cas will come back eventually. He still hopes so now, even if he knows that’s impossible. Faith is such a curious thing; it insists of still being there when there is nothing left to believe in.

“Hey,” Sam says, taking Dean away from his thoughts. “Can you go to the dungeon and bring me one of the books on enochian spells?”

“I—” Dean begins to say.

He tries to keep himself together, but he can’t. He hasn’t been able to go to the dungeon at all. He can’t even pass in front of that damn door. Because if he steps onto that room or even if he looks at that door, he is going to relive the day he lost Cas, and he can’t. He will see Cas, being taken away by the Empty, watching how its dark goo crawled over Cas and consumed him as Cas smiled in relief and he shredded a few tears while Dean watched in horror.

The simple idea of going to that room is making Dean’s chest ache painfully again.

“Sammy, I— I can’t go to the dungeon,” Dean mumbles, looking away to hide his pain and shame. “That’s where— that’s where Cas—” He tries to force the words out so he can finish his sentence, but if he does so, he knows he will break, and he can’t break right now.

Thankfully, Sam seems to understand. “Sorry, I forgot. I’ll go there, don’t worry.”

Dean knows that his brother wants to press the issue, but he doesn’t. He wonders if Sam knows about he and Cas. But even if he did, Dean doesn’t think he will be able to talk about what happened.

Sam simply nods, gives Dean’s shoulder a squeeze and he walks away.

When Dean stops hearing his brother’s steps, he allows himself to cry.

* * *

Tomorrow they will go after Chuck. Michael wanted to do it as soon as possible, but they managed to convince him that even though he doesn’t need to sleep, they do. They need to be rested for the final battle. Michael finally agreed and let them get some sleep.

Dean gets in his bed, hating how cold and lonely it feels. It has felt like that for years. He has always kept the other side empty, waiting for a day when that place was occupied by Cas. It was a dream that Dean thought that it would never come true, because he couldn’t begin to imagine that Cas could ever feel the same.

But he did. Cas did feel the same. Cas loved him.

Dean lets out a soft whimper as his hand reaches the empty spot next to him. He has spent so many nights awake, wanting to cross the hallway, reach Cas’ bedroom and just tell him how he felt and bring him to his bed. He has imagined all the things they could do in bed; from reading together, to cuddling to making love.

They could have had all of that. But Dean was a coward.

He wonders if Cas didn’t do anything sooner because he thought Dean didn’t reciprocate his feelings.

Fuck, they are a couple of dumbasses.

The thought puts a smile on his face, but it is a brief happiness and Dean finds himself sad again quite soon.

“I miss you, Cas,” Dean mumbles, hugging the pillow, trying to find some kind of comfort. It doesn’t work well.

He replays Cas’ words in his mind. He will never forget the way Cas teared up as he told Dean that everything he had ever done, he had done it because of love. That he had changed Dean. That he loved him.

Cas believed that there was good in Dean, that Dean was worth loving. An angel of the Lord, who had seen Dean at his worse, had managed to see the light in between his darkness. Cas had seen all the cracks and scars in Dean and still found him beautiful. Cas had seen all the anger in Dean and still found that there was some love inside Dean. And somehow, that angel had also fallen in love with Dean.

Dean buries his face in the pillow, soaking the fabric with his tears. He muffles his cries in the pillow, and lets some of the anguish out. It’s not enough, but he is tired of keeping all that pain inside him.

He is so tired. But he has to keep fighting. Because of Cas. He has to keep fighting because Cas died for him, so that his sacrifice isn’t in vain.

And he has to start being the man Cas believed him to be. As hard as it is, Dean needs to start doing that. For Cas.

Because Cas loved him and was able to see something worthy in Dean. And that has to count for something.

* * *

Defeating Chuck isn’t easy, but in the end they manage to beat him.

And then, Chuck starts talking, trying to hurt them one last time.

“Dean Winchester, the ultimate killer,” Chuck says after Jack has absorbed his powers and turned him into a human being.

He says a few more things, and when Chuck sees that they’re not going to kill him, Dean says, “That’s not who I am.”

And for the first time, he believes those words. Cas believed in them. He believed that Dean did things for love, that he was driven by love, and not by anger. No one had ever told Dean that, but Cas did. And even thought Dean finds himself at times doubting those words, thinking that Cas overrated him, right now, Dean believes that he isn’t a killer. Sure, he carries a lot of crap, but there are still a few good things in him. Things that Cas saw.

He knows that Cas can’t see him, but if he could, Dean thinks Cas might have been proud of him.

* * *

The streets are filled with people once Jack snaps his fingers.

Dean feels relieved. They defeated Chuck. They are now free to live their lives.

But Cas isn’t there to see it. Cas isn’t there to enjoy their deserved freedom.

Dean swallows hard and buries his feelings. They won. They paid a big price, but they won, and that’s what matters. Even if some parts of it don’t feel right.

“You gonna come back with us to the bunker?” Sam asks.

Even though Dean believes that Jack is coming back home, he isn’t.

Jack begins to say his farewell, and Dean once again finds himself rooted in the place, unable to say much, unable to do anything.

After Jack has finished his speech, he smiles at them and says, “Goodbye.”

Then, he turns around to walk away.

“Jack, wait,” Dean says before he can stop himself.

Jack turns around and gives Dean and intriguing look.

Dean opens his mouth, trying to let the words out. Why is it so hard to express what he wants? That has always been his problem. How many things would have been fixed if Dean had let out the words hidden in his heart? How much pain would have been avoided if he had just spoken what he wanted?

“What is it, Dean?” Jack asks, frowning.

“Can you—” Dean begins to say. He can do this. He needs to do this. He breathes shakily and finally says, “Can you bring Cas back?”

Jack looks at him. He is about to say something, but Dean interrupts him.

“I know you just said that you won’t be hands on, but…” Dean lets out a broken sigh and fights so hard to avoid crying. “But, please, bring him back. He deserves to be saved. He deserves to be alive.”

“I can’t bring him back, Dean,” Jack answers.

The world stops when Dean hears those words.

It can’t be. He refuses to accept it. Jack is God now. He has the power to bring anyone back from the Empty just like Chuck did.

“Why the hell not?” Dean demands. He doesn’t hide the anger and the pain in his voice. If he needs to beg on his knees, he will do it. He can’t lose Cas forever. He won’t allow it.

“When Billie sent me there, I exploded, and the Empty got really mad at me for making things loud,” Jack beings to explain. Both Dean and Sam look at him in confusion, not understanding the meaning of his words. “The Empty is mad at me, and it is waiting for me to go there, so it can take its revenge. And that revenge consists on hurting Cas. I know it. The Empty has Castiel. It can make him disappear forever, and it that happens, I won’t be able to bring Cas at all. He would be gone, forever. That’s why I can’t bring him back. Because the moment the Empty feels my presence, as little as it might be, it will make Castiel disappear forever.”

Even though the streets are full of people making all types of noises, Dean can only hear the painful beating of his broken heart.

This can’t be happening. Jack is supposed to be almighty but he can’t save Cas. And he is saying that Cas might disappear forever. This can’t be possible. Dean can’t accept this. He refuses to let Cas’ story end like this.

“There’s no way to save Cas?” Sam asks with a shaking voice.

“There might be a way,” Jack admits.

Just with that, Dean’s hope is reborn.

Jack snaps his fingers, and suddenly Dean finds himself holding a key.

“What’s this?” Dean asks, taking a look at the black key.

“It’s a key to the Empty, just like there’s a key to Death’s realm,” Jack explains patiently. “There’s a little bit of my power in there, but not enough to get the Empty’s attention. Hopefully. However, you have to find a way to remain hidden once you get into the Empty. I could use my power to do so, but the Empty will notice and then…”

“The Empty could make Cas disappear forever,” Dean finishes, almost wailing the words.

Jack simply nods, looking sad.

“Is it possible? To trick the Empty like this?” Sam asks.

“I’m not sure,” Jack says.

It’s not much, Dean knows it, but it’s better than nothing. He looks at the key and he tightens his grip around it.

“And then, how can I find Cas? How can I wake him up?” Dean asks with a trembling voice.

“You will find him by just focusing on finding him. And he will wake up when he is out,” Jack answers. “And if he doesn’t wake up, call me. I’ll help him then if he needs me.”

Dean takes a deep breath. In his mind, he is already planning how he is going to do this.

“I’m sorry I can’t be of more help,” Jack adds, sounding defeated. “But I don’t want to make Cas disappear. If I could, I would bring him back, but I can’t. Not without risking his life, not without angering the Empty and using Castiel as a tool for its revenge.”

“We understand,” Sam says, sounding sad, too. “Thanks, Jack.”

“Yeah,” Dean mumbles.

Jack nods and walks away without saying any other word.

* * *

When they get back to the bunker, they decide to take a small break. It’s been a long and exhausting day. It’s been a long and exhausting year. Dean knows he has work to do in order to get Cas back, but he will do it tomorrow. He needs to be rested to focus on that task; he needs to be one hundred percent in it, and right now, his mind and body need a small rest from everything that has happened since Chuck became the enemy.

But Chuck isn’t pulling their strings anymore. They are no longer his puppets. They are completely free now.

So Sam and Dean decide to take a moment to let that sink in.

“It’s pretty quiet,” Sam says after he and Dean sit on the table, both of them holding a bottle of beer in their hands.

“Mmhmm,” Dean says. He lifts his bottle after a beat and says, “To everyone that we lost along the way.”

They clink their bottles and take a sip.

“You know, with Chuck not writing our story anymore, we get to write our own,” Sam adds, sounding emotional. “I can’t believe we finally get to write our story,” he adds, chuckling as his eyes get glassy.

“Yeah. We’re finally free,” Dean says, also feeling his eyes getting wet.

Freedom feels good, but there is bitterness in it.

He looks at the table, where his, Sam’s and their mother’s initials are carved.

“We could add Jack’s and Cas’ names on it,” Sam suggests, following Dean’s sight.

“Maybe Jack’s, but not Cas’. I want him to carve his name once he’s back home,” Dean states.

He could carve Cas’ name by himself, but if he does so, it means that Cas won’t be coming back, and his death will be final. And Dean is not going to let that happen.

“Do you really think that it’s possible to bring Cas back?” Sam asks in that tone that Dean hates because it means that his brother isn’t fully on board with something. “Jack didn’t really think that it could be done.”

“I don’t care,” Dean says, looking at his brother with determination. “I’ll bring him back home. I’m not gonna let Cas rot in the Empty. I’ll find him and I’ll bring him home. He deserves to be saved. He deserves to be alive.”

“I know, Dean. I want him back, too, but—” He takes a deep breath and he gives Dean a sad look. “This won’t be easy and you know it.”

“I know. But anything that’s worth fighting for is never easy.”

Sam looks at him with smile. There’s some sadness in it, but there is also a lot of pride.

“Besides,” Dean adds with a cocky grin. “We defeated Chuck. After doing that, I feel like I can do anything.”


	2. Carry On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go with chapter 2. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Thank you so much for all the lovely comments, the kudos, the bookmarks and the subscriptions :')

The alarm rings and Dean smacks the clock to turn it off.

He gets up, walks to the bathroom and then to the kitchen. He makes breakfast for him and Sam, who will come back from his morning run in a few minutes.

By the time Dean finishes serving their breakfasts on two separate plates, Sam comes in, looking sweaty and happy. Dean doesn’t understand how someone can find happiness in waking up early and going for a run. They are both free to do whatever they want to, and Sam chooses that. His little brother is insane.

“Smells good,” Sam says as he sits down.

Dean smiles and sits in front of his brother.

“So, what are your plans for the day?” Sam asks. He rolls the question casually, but they both know it’s anything but that.

“You know what my plans are,” Dean answers, slightly glaring Sam. “I’m gonna keep researching on how to get Cas out of the Empty without being noticed.”

Sam sighs tiredly. “Dean, you need to get a break.”

“What are you talking about? I get breaks! Who was the one who went shopping yesterday? Oh, that’s right, me!”

Sam rolls his eyes and gives him a bitch face. “That’s not a break, Dean.”

“Sure it is.”

“No, it’s not,” Sam snaps. “Also, I know you’re only sleeping four hours.”

“No, I’m not,” Dean lies.

“The circles around your eyes say otherwise. Plus, every time I’ve woken up to go to the bathroom, your light was on.”

Dean clenches his jaw and glares at his brother. “So, what? You just want me to give up?”

“No, of course not, Dean. That’s not what I’m saying,” Sam replies, sounding hurt. “But you need to take it easy on yourself. This is clearly affecting you. And you need to take a break. A real break. I’m worried about you, Dean.”

If it weren’t for the sadness in Sam’s eyes, Dean would tell his brother to fuck off.

Dean hates to admit it, but he is exhausted from spending a big part of his day researching. The only break he gets is when he goes to the kitchen to make their meals, because cooking relaxes him. But it isn’t enough. He knows it. And sleeping for four hours every night isn’t helping at all. He should try to sleep for a couple more hours, but he can’t manage that. His head either doesn’t shut up or haunts him with memories of the day Cas died. The only way he can fall asleep for a little bit more than four hours, it's with the help of a bottle of whiskey.

And yet, he can’t let himself take a break. He needs to save Cas from the Empty as soon as possible. It’s been more than a week since they defeated Chuck and they have nothing. Sam hasn’t been able to find anything either, but the one exhausting himself to his limits is Dean.

Because Dean is in love with Cas. Dean was the one who got Cas killed. Dean was the one who watched Cas sacrifice himself. Dean was the one who didn’t say anything back when Cas confessed him that he loved him.

Dean feels the urge to give every part of his being in order to save Cas, because that’s what Cas deserves.

“Hear me out,” Sam pleads. Dean grunts and waits for his brother to keep talking. He will listen to him just to humor him, but he doesn’t promise to agree on whatever stupid idea Sam has come up with to keep away Dean from researching. “There’s a Pie Fest in Akron, Colorado. We could just drive there.” Dean is about to protest about the five hour drive, but Sam raises his hand to stop him. “Yes, I know it’s almost a five hour long drive, but I promise you that while you drive, I’ll keep researching for something to get Cas back. And I’ll do the same when we drive back here.”

Dean closes his mouth. The idea is tempting. He could use a small break to clear his mind for a while. During these past two days he has been finding it hard to concentrate on what he is reading. His mind is saturated with so much useless information, and his head hurts from lack of sleep. Besides, he could use some joy, as little as it might be. But he wants to find a way to save Cas now.

“You won’t get Cas back if you exhaust yourself like this,” Sam adds. He lets out every word gently, aware of how talking about Cas still hurts Dean. “Just take a break for today. That’s all I’m asking. That’s what you need.”

“Fine,” Dean groans. “Just for today.”

“Great,” Sam says, smiling in relief. “That’s great.”

“And you’re paying for all the slices of pie that I’m gonna eat.”

Sam rolls his eyes, but his smile doesn’t disappear.

* * *

In Dean’s opinion, driving for five hours to get to a pie fest is so damn worth it.

He gets as many slices as he can with Sam’s money. Surprisingly his brother doesn’t make any sassy remark about the amount of pies Dean is going to eat, but after all, this was Sam’s idea; he wants to cheer him up, so Sam is probably going to save all of his usual snappy comments for another day.

Dean needed a distraction and a break. He feels bad about that, but he knows this break is going to recharge his batteries and it will let him focus better on finding a way to save Cas.

Once Dean finishes buying all the slices he wants to try, Dean carries them in a big box and turns around, walking towards the bench where Sam is waiting for him.

“Did you leave anything in the stall at all?” Sam asks with an arched brow after Dean has sat down next tom him.

“Surprisingly, I did,” Dean answers. He rubs his hands excitedly and looks at the pies, unsure of which one to try first. “I’ve gotta say, Sammy, this was the best idea you’ve ever had.”

Sam chuckles. “It’s good to see you in a good mood.”

Dean looks away and nods. “Yeah, well, I—” He takes a deep breath and lifts his eyes to watch the crowd. There are families and couples there, enjoying the pie fest. Their sight makes Dean feel bittersweet. “I thought that I’d be happy once we were free from Chuck, and I’m happy about that, don’t get me wrong, but we lost Cas.” He moves his hand to touch the shoulder where Cas left his bloody handprint, recalling his last minutes with Cas. “I knew that if we managed to take down Chuck, we were gonna lose something, because that’s how it always goes. We win, but we always lose something or someone. But I never thought that we’d lose Cas. Whenever I pictured the end, he was here with us.”

“Yeah, me too,” Sam agrees. “I thought it was gonna be you, me, Cas and Jack in the end.”

Dean hums in agreement. “Yeah. This ain’t exactly how I pictured the end of the battle against Chuck. It feels kind of lonely.” He takes a deep breath and grimaces. “There’s a quote by Bukowski that says something like, when you’re alone and you are free to do whatever you want, how do you call that? Freedom or loneliness?”

Sam looks at him impressed at first, but then, the quote sinks in and his expression changes into a pensive one.

“I’ve been thinking about that a lot,” Dean confesses with a grim face.

“At least we still have each other. That’s gotta count for something, right?” Sam says.

Dean smiles. “Yeah, it counts more than you think, Sammy.”

If it wasn’t for his brother, Dean would be in a much darker place. Sam knows when Dean can’t realize he has to stop, so Sam is there to tell him so. 

However, Dean still drinks more than he should these days, still wanting to suppress the pain in his broken heart, but he is trying hard to drink a little bit less. He doesn’t want to become a drunk like his father. Besides, he still wants to become the man Cas believed him to be. And Dean is sure that man isn’t someone who needs to drown himself into alcohol to stop feeling things.

“Well, let’s stop this depressing talk and let’s get down to business,” Dean says as he grabs one slice of pie.

Surprisingly, Sam also grabs a slice, but instead of eating it, he smashes it against Dean’s face.

“I have wanted to do that for a very long time,” Sam says before laughing.

Dean glares him, but he manages to make a tiny smile.

It’s a good day. But it would be a million times better if Cas was there with them.

* * *

A couple of days later, when Dean and Sam are having breakfast, Dean asks a question that’s been bugging him for a while.

“Why haven’t you seen Eileen yet?”

There is not much that catches Sam unguarded, but that question definitely does.

“It’s— it’s complicated,” Sam answers after a beat.

“You guys broke up?” Dean asks, frowning. Sam would have told him if that have happened, right? Unlike Dean, Sam doesn’t have such a hard time about talking about important stuff.

“No, we didn’t break up.”

“Then?”

Sam takes a deep breath and rubs his mouth. “I’m scared that it wasn’t real.”

Dean simply stares at his brother. He knows what he means. Dean thought the same once Chuck revealed he had been playing with them. It made him question so many things. It made him question everything he and Cas had gone through. And those doubts, that fear, lead to Dean being so angry that Cas left him.

“I know that what I felt— what I _feel_ about Eileen is real,” Sam continues. “But I’m scared that what she felt wasn’t real. She left because she didn’t know what was real anymore.”

Dean looks at Sam, really looks at him, and sees the heartache written on his face. He even looks small. 

Here they are the two Winchester brothers; both alive and free, but both forced to carry on with broken hearts.

They both lost people that they loved, but at least Eileen is still alive; Sam can still have her in his life right now. All he has to do is go after her or just text her. Not like Dean, who has to go to some version of Hell to find the man he loves.

“It was real,” Dean assures, and Sam looks at him with a surprised expression. “She loved you. And I know you loved her. You two were happy. I saw it when you two were together. Hell, I can’t remember the last time you looked that happy.”

“Yeah,” Sam admits. “But Chuck controlled us, he demonstrated that when he kidnapped us.”

“Maybe he controlled some of our actions, but he never controlled what’s inside here.” With his hand, Dean touches his chest, right where his heart is. “Chuck never controlled what we felt here,” Dean continues with a shaky voice. “He might have used it to hurt us and manipulate us, but he never controlled what’s inside here, in our hearts.”

Sam remains quiet, but there are tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

“Listen to me, Sammy,” Dean adds, making sure to calm his voice, to make it sound encouraging. “You go after her, okay? Because you love her and she loves you. I know it’s hard to understand because she’s fucking awesome and she’s way out of your league.”

“Dean,” Sam complains, glaring him.

“Sorry, just trying to humor you. I guess it’s not the time. Anyway.” He clears his throat and gives Sam a comforting smile. “You already lost her a few times. You don’t want to lose her again, Sam.” Dean knows that from personal experience. Losing someone you love gets more and more painful each time, and Dean doesn’t want his brother to go through that. “So go after her. Pay her a visit or text her, or meet somewhere, I don’t know. But don’t lose her. You two have each other, so don’t be a fucking dumbass and go after her. Because if you don’t, you’ll regret it your whole life.”

“Okay,” Sam says shakily. A few tears run down his face and Sam quickly wipes them. “I’ll text her after breakfast.”

“Awesome.”

“Thanks, Dean.”

Dean smiles and nods.

If only Dean could go after Cas that easily.

* * *

Sam and Eileen get back together. Sam spends a few days with her. Whenever they have plans, Sam asks Dean if it’s okay for him to go, because he is still worried about Dean, who keeps spending almost every moment of his days buried in the lore, trying to find a spell that can hide him from the Empty. He is barely sleeping once again, and his drinking isn’t getting any better, but Sam doesn’t know about this because Dean is really sneaky when it comes to drinking.

Still, Dean always tells Sam to go and be with Eileen. Just because Dean is in pain, his brother shouldn’t be dragged into his misery. But Sam still worries.

Dean knows that Sam doesn’t spend more time with Eileen because he still wants to help Dean with his research and because he wants to look after him. He is sure that Sam is waiting for the moment that Dean will break into a thousand pieces, but Dean manages to keep himself together perfectly. At least in front of Sam. 

But once he is alone in his room and he is sure that Sam can’t hear him, Dean drowns himself in beer and cries silently. Sometimes he prays, even though he knows it is useless. Sometimes he grabs the jacket with the bloody handprint and hugs it against his chest while he tries to get some sleep.

But he doesn’t give up. He will find a way to save Cas.

A Thursday afternoon finds both Sam and Dean in the library, both buried in books and their laptops, still trying but failing to find a spell that can hide Dean from the Empty. He hasn’t told Sam yet that he plans on going to that place alone; he will tell him when they manage to find the spell. In the meantime, that’s a detail that Dean is going to keep to himself. There is no need to worry Sam even more.

“How did Cas summon the Empty?” Sam asks suddenly.

Dean lifts his eyes from the page to look at his brother. “What?”

“How did Cas summon the Empty?” Sam repeats. He is making a face that means that Sam is trying to find a missing piece of a puzzle. Dean knows him well enough to know that Sam has asked himself that question repeatedly. “You said that Billie was after you two and then Cas summoned the Empty, but you never told me how he did that.”

“Why are you asking me that?” Dean asks, sounding more defensive that he would like to.

“Because if we know how Cas summoned the Empty, we might be able to find some type of information about how to get into the Empty without being noticed and rescue Cas. It can give us a starting point.”

Dean closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He is going to have to talk about what happened that day and he doesn’t want to. He is still haunted by the image of Cas being taken away by the Empty, about the image of Cas’ face disappearing under the goo. And he still remembers each and every word Cas told him. And how Dean didn’t tell him that he loved him too.

He could lie or avoid the topic, but he knows that Sam won’t let it go because he thinks that this information could be the key to getting Cas back.

So Dean sticks to the truth.

“Cas had made a deal with the Empty,” Dean begins to say. He opens his eyes, but he doesn’t look at his brother’s face. If he does so, he is afraid that he will fall apart. He is afraid that Sam will see how broken Dean is.

“What?” Sam asks.

“When Jack was dying, Cas made a deal with the Empty,” Dean continues. He feels a knot forming in his throat and the stinging threat of the tears forming in his eyes. He has to talk about this. So he keeps forcing the words out as best as he can. “Cas offered his life in exchange of Jack’s.”

He finally allows himself to look at his brother’s face. Sam is processing this information, and Dean can tell that there is something that he doesn’t understand.

“Then, why didn’t the Empty take Cas back then?” Sam asks.

That’s the question Dean feared.

“The Empty said that it would only come after Cas when he experienced a moment of true happiness,” Dean answers, almost mumbling. “When that happened, the Empty would be summoned and it would take Cas forever.” At the last word, Dean’s voice breaks. His tears fall down, but he manages to suppress a sob. “That’s how Cas summoned the Empty.”

“But how’s possible that he was happy in that situation?” Sam asks, even more confused than before. “You two thought you were gonna die, you were being chased by Billie, so how did Cas feel happiness in that moment?” He looks like he is going to ask something else, but when their eyes meet, just briefly, something seems to click inside Sam’s brain. “Wait, did you—” He clears his throat, as if he is struggling to find the words. There is a small pause that Dean doesn’t like, and then, Sam says, “Did you tell him how you felt about him?”

“What?!” Dean asks incredulously. How can Sam know?

“Dean,” Sam says with a sigh that sounds half-tired and half-sad. “I know that you and Cas had feelings for each other. I’ve known for years that you had feelings for Cas. I had always suspected it, but I knew for sure that you loved him when Lucifer killed him. The way you mourned him, the way you seemed like you couldn’t go on, the way you were so angry at Jack... It told me that you just didn’t lose your best friend; you lost someone you were in love with.”

Dean keeps staring at his brother in disbelief.

“I never said anything because I figured out that you weren’t ready to talk about it,” Sam adds. “And I didn’t know how to start talking about it. You always get so defensive when you have to talk about feelings. But I also know that Dad used to call your slurs when he was drunk and how he always wanted you to be more masculine, so I guess that also made things harder for you.”

Dean clenches his jaw and lets a few more tears fall.

He still remembers all the awful things John called him when he was drunk. But at least, when John was drunk, Dean could pretend that he hadn’t meant them. But John also called him slurs when he wasn’t drunk, and those words were carved deep in Dean’s bones, in Dean’s soul. And those scars never healed. Not completely.

It also didn’t help that the hunting community was mostly formed by men who thought like John.

So Dean hid himself in shame, and he always struggled to accept his bisexuality. Even when he got the chance to be with men, he could hear John's disgusted voice in his head.

But then, Cas appeared and Dean started to slowly accept himself and come to terms with being bisexual; he stopped hearing that voice. And he fell in love with Cas, but he never acted on those feelings because he was scared of being shamed by it and of being rejected.

Dean accepted a long time ago that he was in love with Cas. But he still couldn’t accept the fact that he deserved to be loved.

“And I guess that all those silly jokes that I made in the past about people assuming you were gay also didn’t help either,” Sam says with regret in his voice. “Still, I thought that you needed time and space to accept it and acknowledge it, so I gave you time and space,” Sam keeps saying. “But I knew that you loved Cas. And I know that you still love him.”

Dean closes his eyes and lets out a whimper.

“I also know that Cas felt the same, but I didn’t know how to talk to him about that either,” Sam adds, sounding really sad. “I saw the way he looked at you, how he talked about you, how he kept fighting for you and how he loved you. I never said anything because that was something you two needed to figure out on your own and together. It wasn’t my place to intercede, you know?”

Dean simply nods, suppressing a sob.

“So, that’s what happened, then?” Sam asks, trying to keep his voice calm, but there’s pain and sadness in it. “You told him?”

“No,” Dean confesses, still hurting about the fact that he never got the chance to tell Cas. He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes. “Cas told me that he loved me.”

Sam stares at him.

“That’s what made him happy; telling me. But I didn’t get the chance to tell him. I couldn’t. Everything happened so fast, and we were about to die, and he just told me. And I fucking couldn’t say it back. And that’s my fucking biggest regret” Dean adds, finally breaking after weeks.

He has finally released the truth, and it still hurts so much and his heart is breaking again. It is painful and hard, but he finally can stop pretending that he is fine, that he isn’t falling apart with every day that passes without finding a solution. Dean is just so tired, and now he doesn’t have to hide it anymore. But it still hurts so fucking much.

Dean keeps crying, and Sam watches him, not knowing what to do. They have seen each other at their lowest and their darkest, but Sam has never seen Dean crying like this. He has never seen Dean crying like he is crying now. Dean always made sure to hide his pain. But he can’t do it anymore. He is tired. He is so damn tired. And he is hurting so bad.

“I’m sure he knew, Dean,” Sam says. It is strange, to see Sam trying to be the strong one, to be the one who remains calm. Dean has always taken that role. “I’m sure Cas knew you loved him.”

“No, he didn’t,” Dean replies as he shakes his head. “He said that the only thing he truly wanted, was something he knew he couldn’t have.”

He still can see Cas’ face after he confessed his love for Dean. The single act of telling Dean made him happy. He thought that Dean didn’t feel the same and he still felt happy by just loving Dean, by just saying it.

And Dean couldn’t even utter a single word.

Dean takes a deep breath. His wails have stopped, but the tears keep coming. His body aches from the trembling, and his heart feels like it had been repeatedly stabbed and then ripped apart.

“We’ll get him back, Dean,” Sam says, sounding so sure of himself. “We’ll get Cas back. I promise.”

Dean nods shakily. “Okay.”

He sighs, wipes his tears and continues reading.

He will keep fighting. Like he has always done.

* * *

“Fuck,” Dean groans when he sees that the bottle of whiskey he keeps hidden under his bed is empty.

He was probably too drunk to care about trashing it away. He was too drunk to remember that he emptied it.

It’s late in the night. Sam has been in bed for at least four hours, but Dean has been up during all that time, trying to find a way to save Cas. He hasn’t been successful in that.

He stares at the empty bottle. He could grab one of the bottles they keep in the library, but Dean knows that Sam checks them every once in a while. Just by taking a quick look at them, Sam knows if Dean has been spending his nights trying to drown his pain in alcohol.

Every now and then, Dean pours himself a couple of glasses from those bottles, because he knows that Sam will find it suspicious if their quantity doesn’t go down at all. Sam would think that Dean is not drinking from those bottles because he is drinking from somewhere else. And Dean can’t let Sam know about his secret storage.

Dean could take a couple of glasses from the hardest liquors, but he knows it won’t be enough. Tonight is not a good night. After telling Sam what went down with Cas, Dean has been unable to stop thinking about Cas’ words, over and over again. He can clearly see Cas’ smile and tears after he told him that he loved him. He can see how the Empty took him away from him.

And the pain is becoming overwhelming.

Dean grabs his jacket and storms out of his bedroom. He needs to drown himself in alcohol tonight. He needs to get rid of the pain. Just for a little while. That’s all he needs. To be unable to feel a goddamn thing. Just for an hour of two. He can’t keep going on with this pain in his heart. Not tonight.

He goes to the garage and gets in the Impala. He drives to Lebanon, towards a place he knows that is open this late, where he can buy a couple of bottles of whiskey and get himself drunk in his bedroom. He could just go to a bar, but he doesn’t want to risk getting into a fight or driving back home drunk. That wouldn’t be recommendable.

At least Dean still has some sense in him.

He parks in front of the store and he quickly buys two bottles of whiskey. The clerk barely pays him any attention; he knows him from all the many bad nights Dean has had since he started living in the bunker.

As Dean walks back to the Impala, he sees that the tattoo studio in front of him is also open. He stares at its neon lights for a while, thinking about an idea that he has been contemplating since the day he lost Cas.

“Fuck it. I’m gonna do it,” Dean says to himself.

He leaves the bottles of whiskey in the Impala first, and then he goes to the trunk to grab the thing he wants to have inked into his skin.

He crosses the street and gets into the tattoo studio, where a woman with green hair looks up from her book and gives Dean a half smile.

“How can I help you?” she asks.

Dean shows her a black feather, one Cas gave him a long time ago, when he still had wings. He gave Dean a few more, just for spells, but Dean always kept a few separated from the others for personal reasons.

“Can you tattoo me this feather?” Dean asks.

“Sure. Where do you want it?”

Dean considers where he wants it. The place above his heart is currently occupied by the anti-possession tattoo, so unfortunately, it can’t go there. But he wants to have the tattoo in a place where he can easily see it, where he can easily touch it.  
He rolls his sleeves and points to his left forearm.

“Here,” Dean says.

* * *

“We should go to Hell,” Sam announces one morning after he has come from his morning run.

“What?” Dean asks with a mouth full of bacon.

Alcohol and greasy foods are his coping mechanisms. They aren’t healthy, but there are worse ways to cope. Sam is the one forcing Dean to eat more greens because he is worried about his cholesterol levels. But even though Dean likes eating some vegetables once in a while, greasy foods give him some of the comfort he desperately seeks.

“We should go to Hell and talk to Rowena,” Sam explains. “She knows about spells that aren’t written anywhere, so maybe, she knows about something we can use to get into the Empty without being noticed.”

Dean arches both of his brows. How didn’t they think about that until now?

“I take it from your face that you like the idea,” Sam says smugly.

“Took you too long to come up with this idea,” Dean sasses with a smirk.

Sam glares him. “Anyway, I’ll call Eileen and tell her to come here so she can keep the spell going in case we take too long.”

“Awesome,” Dean says, feeling truly hopeful for the first time in weeks. “Thanks, Sammy.”

Unconsciously, he touches the skin where Cas’ black feather is inked.

* * *

When Eileen comes to the bunker, Sam greets her with a long kiss.

Dean is happy for them, he really is. But he feels a terrible pain in his heart by knowing that he never got to do that with Cas. He had wanted it for years, but he was never brave enough to act on his feelings.

There is so much they could have done if either of them had spoken before it was too late.

If they get Cas back, Dean will make sure to let Cas know how he feels.

“Hi, Dean,” Eileen says once she and Sam pull away.

“Hey, Eileen,” Dean says.

She walks towards him and they share a hug which makes Dean smile.

“How are you?” Eileen asks, taking a good look at his face.

“Been better,” Dean answers, honestly.

Eileen nods and gives him a sympathetic smile. “I’m going to leave my stuff in Sam’s room and then I’ll meet you here.”

“Okay,” Dean and Sam say at the same time.

While Eileen walks to Sam’s room, both Winchester brothers start to prepare all the ingredients needed for the spell that will get them to Hell. By the time Eileen comes back, Dean is already cutting his palm to add his blood to the other ingredients.

When Sam had talked to Eileen about their plan and asked her if she could come, she immediately agreed. She was the one who told them that as soon as she arrived to the bunker, they could start working on the spell. She didn’t want to rest or anything; she wanted to immediately help them.

Dean doesn’t know how much Eileen knows about him and Cas, how much Sam has told her in those moments they share together. But regardless of that, she knows this is important for both Sam and Dean, but especially Dean. And Dean is so damn grateful for Eileen’s help.

“Thanks for agreeing to do this, Eileen,” Dean says the moemnt Eileen is back. He smiles at her appreciatively as he wraps a cloth around his bleeding palm.

Eileen smiles. “No problem.” Then, she looks at Sam with a sweet smile and then she squeezes his arm. “Be careful. Both of you.”

“We will,” Sam says. He presses a kiss on her forehead and then he grabs the incantation. “You ready?” he asks looking at Dean, who answers with a nod. “Alright.” He clears his throat and he begins to read. “ _Initium ad inferna permittatur_.”

Wind begins to blow in the room, until a bright light appears and suddenly, both Winchesters find themselves in Hell, in the same spot they appeared the last time they paid a visit to Hell. They look around, checking for any demon that might want to fight them, but for now, they are alone.

“This way,” Dean says, remembering the path.

He begins to walk and Sam follows him.

The moment they turn into a corner, they run into a demon who is taller than Sam and as wide as both Sam and Dean combined.

Sam and Dean stop in their tracks, waiting for the big guy to attack them; it’s not going to be easy because the guy is huge, but Sam and Dean have beaten worse opponents.

But instead of attacking them, the demon moves aside, revealing the door to Rowena’s throne room.

“She’s waiting for you,” the demon says.

Sam and Dean exchange an incredulous look but don’t say anything. They eye the demon suspiciously, waiting for him to attack them the moment they get too close to him, but he doesn’t do anything nor say anything more.

Warily, they approach the big black door and open it.

“Hello, boys,” Rowena greets from her throne, dedicating them a delighted smile. “I was expecting you.”

“You knew we were here?” Sam asks as he frowns.

Dean closes the door behind him, not before taking one last look at the demon, just in case, and then he joins Sam, who is walking towards one of the seats in front of Rowena.

“Since your last visit, I made a spell that acts as an alarm that lets me know when you two come here,” Rowena explains, clearly pleased with herself. “Most demons in here don’t share my love towards you two and Castiel, so I took precautions. By the way, where is the handsome angel?”

Dean opens his mouth to try to explain that that’s why they are here, but his words die in his throat. It will never get easy to talk about Cas’ death. Watching him die was horrible and painful, but having to live his life without Cas is the real tragedy.

“He’s in the Empty,” Sam answers, aware of Dean’s incapacity to talk about Cas’ death.

“What?” Rowena asks, shocked. He looks at Sam and then at Dean. “What happened?”

Sam is the one to answer her question again. She listens carefully, paying attention to every word that Sam says. Her eyes occasionally land on Dean’s face, as if she was looking for the answers to questions she hasn’t asked yet. He wonders if she knows just like Sam knew.

“That’s why we’re here,” Dean manages to say after Sam has finished explaining what went down with Cas. “We wondered if you— If you—” He clears his throat, trying to work around the lump forming in there. Every time he talks about Cas, it feels like he is bearing his heart and exposing its vulnerabilities. “If you know about any type of spell that can be used to hide us from the Empty.”

Once again, he uses the plural instead of the singular because Sam still doesn’t know that he plans on going alone to the Empty.

“I know a spell,” Rowena says.

Hope is once again reborn in Dean’s chest. He loves and hates that feeling. Loves it because it means that there is a way to save Cas, but hates it because if he fails, that hope will destroy him again.

Hope can be such a wonderful and dangerous thing at the same time.

“I believe you have my personal book of spells, don’t you?” Rowena asks Sam.

“Yes, we do,” Sam answers. “But we have already read it and we haven’t found any spell in there that can help us save Cas.”

“Samuel, do you really think I wouldn’t hide my best spells?”

Sam arches both of his brows.

“There are spells in my personal book that I kept hidden, just in case,” Rowena explains, giving them a playful smile. “But there’s a way to read them.”

“How?” Dean asks.

“Let three drops of your blood fall onto the first page, and then say _ostende mihi invisibilia_.”

“ _Ostende mihi invisibilia_ ,” Sam repeats to himself so he doesn’t forget the words. “Got it, anything else?”

“The spell is easy, but some of the ingredients are quite rare. You may not have them in the bunker, but you will be able to find them somewhere else.”

“Thanks,” Dean says. His heart is beating fast, feeling the anticipation of being able to get Cas.

“The spell will only last for thirty minutes, so you must move quickly” she adds, giving them both a warning glance. “This is a spell that a person can only use once every five years. So don’t be reckless. Don’t make mistakes.”

“We won’t,” Sam promises.

“I wish you all the luck, boys.”

“Thank you, Rowena,” Dean says, holding back tears. “Thank you so much.”

* * *

Sam is the one to drop his blood on Rowena’s spell book. 

The paper doesn’t absorb the blood at first and instead the three red spots turn into a bright purple color. Then they disappear. Sam, Dean and Eileen look at each other before Sam opens the book, where new spells written in red ink, or maybe blood, Dean is never sure with witches, have appeared.

Like the fast reader he is, Sam starts to turn the pages, looking for the spell Rowena told them about. He goes so fast that Dean only sees blurry lines instead of words.

“Here it is,” Sam announces, letting out a relieved sigh.

The three of them read the spell. Just as Rowena told them, it is a really easy spell, but there are three ingredients that they don’t have in the bunker.

“So, we need to find a part of the bark of a two hundred year old yew tree,” Sam starts to read. “The dirt of a place marked by a tragic natural event, and moss that grows on a pagan church.” He makes a pensive grimace and keeps his eyes on the ingredients. “They are odd, but they aren’t hard to find.”

“I know where to get the dirt and the moss,” Eileen says. “I’ll have to go to California to get the dirt and then I’ll go to Oregon where there’s a pagan church there.”

“How do you know that?” Sam asks, clearly impressed. Dean shares the same feeling.

“Worked a few cases there in the past,” she answers casually, but there is a pride and sweet smile drawn on her lips. “I’ll go there tomorrow if you don’t mind. I need to get some sleep first. The drive here was long.”

“Sleep as much as you need, Eileen, don’t worry,” Dean says. “You deserve it. And thanks, for coming here and for helping us.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

“I hope Sammy knows how to thank you tonight. If you know what I mean.”

Eileen bursts laughing the moment Dean winks at her.

Sam on the other hand presses his hand against his eyes in embarrassment. “I hate you, Dean.”

* * *

After calling Jody to help them to get the bark of a yew tree, because after some research they found out that there is one in Sioux Falls, Sam and Eileen go to bed, leaving Dean in the kitchen, drinking a bottle of beer. He hears Sam’s door closing, and Dean waits for two minutes before he goes to the garage to get in the Impala and drive to nowhere.

He doesn’t play any music. If he starts listening to any of his music, especially to Led Zeppelin, he will think about Cas.

Since he gave him the mixtape, Cas had learnt the lyrics to all the Led Zeppelin songs Dean had carefully added to that tape. And whenever they were in the Impala and once of those songs started playing, Cas began to sing with that deep voice of his, and Dean would join him. His heart was filled with so much joy when that happened.

With the rest of the songs, Cas simply hummed, because he didn’t know them as well as the Led Zeppelin ones, but it still made Dean happy.

He wonders if when Cas sang those Led Zeppelin songs, he was trying to tell Dean that he loved him, just like Dean tried to do so with the mixtape. How didn’t either of them get the message? Were they too afraid of rejection? Did both of them believe that they weren’t worthy of love?

They both longed for each other and suffered in silence, unaware that the other was going through the same heartache, that the two of them were waiting for the other to say something.

Dean keeps driving, until he finds a nice clearing to park the Impala.

He gets out of the car and grabs a bottle of beer from the portable fridge. Then he sits on the hood of his car, feeling the warmth coming out of it, and he tilts his head up to look at the stars.

It’s a quiet and lonely night.

He could have remained in the bunker and lock himself in the safety of his room, but he wants to give some space to his brother and Eileen. Not that they will notice that Dean is gone, but he doesn’t want to be there right now. It accentuates the pain and loneliness in his heart. It makes the empty side of his bed bigger and colder.

He drinks almost half of the beer in one swing, exhaling sharply after the bitter taste that the liquid leaves in his tongue.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean begins to pray. He knows Cas can’t hear him, but he wants to believe that somehow, he can. “I’m gonna come for you. We’ve found a way to get you. Just wait, okay? I promise that I’m gonna bring you back home, Cas. I promise.” He touches his forearm, right where Cas’ tattoo is. He misses him so much. When Cas died, a part of Dean died too. “And I promise that I’m gonna save you, just like you saved me countless of times.”

It doesn’t take long for the tears to fall down, but this time, he cries because he is hopeful.

* * *

Jody comes to the bunker two days later, bringing the yew’s bark with her. She gives each Winchester brother a tight and big hug.

They insist on her staying for dinner. Dean announces he is making a big and tasty lasagna, and Jody insists on helping him with it. It doesn’t matter if Dean tries to convince her to relax and let him do it, she won’t hear it, but that’s Jody; she always helps and takes care of those she loves.

Unfortunately, there is no parmesan cheese left, and Sam decides to go to town and buy some, along with other groceries they are low on.

“How are the girls?” Dean asks as he cooks the meats and the onion.

“They’re great. Claire and Kaia still get in trouble once in a while, but they’re doing well. They are a mischievous couple.” She chuckles at that. “Patience and Alex are focusing on their studies and jobs and they’re doing great. They’re so hardworking.” Jody smiles at that and Dean can see and hear all the love and pride Jody feels for her four girls. “They’ve been asking about you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jody answers with a big grin. She adds to the pan the tomato sauce and Dean starts to stir the mixture. “Once you guys get Cas back, you could pay us a visit. We could do a big celebration dinner. Sam could also bring Eileen, I could call Donna too. Just a big family celebration. It would be great.”

“That sounds awesome,” Dean admits, feeling his eyes getting slightly wet. He would love to do that.

“How are you holding up? I know this past year hasn’t been easy on you guys, and I know that losing Cas must have been heartbreaking.”

Dean takes a deep breath. “I’m trying to keep myself together as best as I can, but it’s— it’s really hard.”

“Everything will be alright, Dean,” Jody reassures.

She places her hand on Dean’s arm and gives it a reassuring and tender squeeze. Dean looks at her, trying to find the lie in her words. As much as Dean is hopeful, there is a part of him that believes things won’t be alright, and he is terrified of that voice and the truth that may be in it.

“You’ll get Cas back,” Jody adds, giving him one of those heartwarming and caring smiles of hers. “You guys are the bravest and strongest men I know. You can do this. I know it. Cas will be here soon, you’ll see.”

“Thanks, Jody,” Dean murmurs with a shaky voice.

Jody smiles again and gives Dean’s arm another comforting squeeze.

He has to believe that he will get Cas back. He needs to have a little faith.

After all, Cas was the one who made Dean believe when he didn’t. He can now have some faith.

* * *

“Eileen says that she’ll be here tomorrow,” Sam announces when Dean arrives to the library.

“She’s fast,” Dean says quite impressed. Eileen left five days ago and she already has the two ingredients they needed for the spell.

Sam chuckles. “Yeah, she is.”

Dean smiles and sits in front of his brother.

“We’ll do the spell tomorrow and we’ll get in the Empty’s realm,” Sam says.

“About that,” Dean begins to say, feeling nervous. Sam looks at him cautiously, sensing that Dean is about to tell him something important. Dean has tried to put off this confession for a while, but he can’t do it anymore. He clears his throat and begins to tell what he has been meaning to do since Jack told them that there might be a way to save Cas. “You’re not coming with me, Sammy.”

“What? Are you insane? I’m not letting you go into the Empty alone!”

“Sam, please, just let me explain, okay?”

He makes sure to look hurt, and it catches Sam by surprise, given the way he closes his mouth and waits for Dean to go on.

“There are a few reasons why it’s better if I go alone,” Dean begins to say patiently. He sees that Sam wants to interrupt, but his brother keeps quiet. “One; if I fail, we need someone to use that spell again. Rowena said that a person can only use that spell once every five years, and I’m not gonna wait five fucking years to get Cas.”

Sam sighs and nods, understanding that concern, but he still doesn’t look convinced.

“Two; the Empty might be able to feel the presence of two people better than one, even if both of those people are hidden by that spell,” Dean adds.

“We don’t know that for sure,” Sam replicates.

“No, but I have another reason of why I’m going alone to the Empty, and you’ve gotta respect that reason.”

“Dean—”

“I watched him die, Sam!” Dean interrupts, not hiding any of his emotions. “I watched him die in front of me! He sacrificed himself for me! He told me that he loved me and I didn’t say anything back! He saved me! So I need to save him now.” He hates that he sounds like he is almost begging, but he needs to make Sam understand his reason. He needs him to understand how much Dean needs to do this alone. “This is something I need to do on my own, Sammy.”

Sam takes a deep breath and closes his eyes in defeat.

Dean remains in silence as he touches the inked feather. It has become a thing for him to do when he is hurting. It calms him a bit.

“Fine,” Sam says after he opens his worried eyes. “I still don’t like it, but I get why you want to do this alone. Besides, you’ve made up your mind, and I know it’d take me month to convince you not to do this.”

Dean chuckles at first, and then he lets out a long breath, feeling able to breathe again. “Thanks, Sammy.”

There is a small silence in between them, one that Dean appreciates, because it gives him time to calm his wild heart.

“There’s something I need to discuss with you too,” Sam says when he sees that Dean is looking calmer. “Something I’ve been thinking since yesterday.”

“What is it?” Dean asks, confused.

“Even if you manage to hide yourself from the Empty and if you manage to get Cas out, the Empty will eventually notice Cas’ absence,” Sam begins to explain, letting out every word carefully, as if he was afraid that this conversation was going to hurt or scare Dean. “The Empty isn’t going to like that, so it might want to go after Cas someday. Cas being out of the Empty doesn’t mean that he will be completely safe. The Empty could come after him any time it wants.”

Dean remains quiet for a few seconds, realizing the truth in Sam’s words. He hadn’t thought about that. He had been so focused on saving Cas, on getting him out of the Empty, that he hadn’t considered that Cas could still be in danger once he got out.

“Fuck,” Dean groans. “What do we do now?”

Sam takes a deep breath. “I don’t’ know. The only solution would be to kill the Empty, but we can’t do that.”

“We can’t,” Dean says, regretfully. But then after a small beat, he realizes something. “Son of a bitch.”

“What?”

Dean looks at his brother and chuckles. “I’ve got an idea.”

Sam just stares at him, waiting for Dean to elaborate.

“I’ll explain,” Dean says. “But first, we need to call Jack.”

* * *

That night, Dean has trouble falling asleep.

He can’t stop thinking about tomorrow, about what he will do once he is in the Empty, how he will find Cas, if the spell will work, if he will be able to save Cas.

He is tempted to drink a whole bottle of whiskey until he feels the arms of slumber taking over him, but he doesn’t want to wake up tomorrow with a headache. He needs to be on his best condition to get into the Empty and save Cas. As much as he craves the alcohol, Dean stays away from it.

The idea of seeing Cas again is making his heart palpitate in anticipation, but the idea of never seeing Cas again is making his heart ache.

He needs to stop thinking about tomorrow, but he can’t.

He touches Cas’ bloody handprint on his green jacket, and he takes a shaky breath.

“I’ll see you again tomorrow,” Dean whispers. “I’m bringing you back home, Cas.”

Eventually, slumber finds him, but he only manages to sleep for four hours. It is still enough. He doesn’t feel exactly rested when he wakes up, but he has felt way worse in the past.

In order to feel better, Dean drinks a generous cup of coffee and then begins to make breakfast.

Sam comes into the kitchen minutes later. He hasn’t gone for his morning run today. When Dean looks at him, he can see that his brother is also nervous and that he hasn’t slept well either. Dean going to the Empty is a big and dangerous thing. And neither of them knows what will be waiting for Dean there.

All they know is that Cas is there. And for Dean, that’s more than enough to go to that mysterious but dangerous place.

* * *

Eileen comes to the bunker two hours after Dean and Sam finish having breakfast. She greets Sam with a quick kiss and then she gives Dean a brief hug.

“I’ve got everything,” she says, placing her duffle bag on the table.

When she shows them the two ingredients, Sam begins to mix them together while Dean watches. He could gather some weapons, but he knows they will be useless against the Empty. So instead, he just watches Sam do the spell, trying to calm himself down, but he doesn’t succeed.

Then, Sam looks at Dean, telling him to add the last ingredient for the spell; a drop of Dean’s blood.

When the blood falls onto the other ingredients, there is a swoosh sound.

“You ready?” Sam asks, offering Dean the incantation.

“I am,” Dean assures, feeling extremely nervous. He can hear every palpitation of his restless heart.

Sam simply nods as Dean takes the paper.

“ _Noli videre, noli audite, noli sentire,_ ” Dean says slowly.

“Now say the name of what you want to be hidden from,” Sam reminds him.

“The Empty.”

After Dean says that, a bluish glow appears around him and then it’s gone, but it leaves a mark on Dean’s wrist, as if it were a bracelet.

“That will let you know how long the spell will last,” Sam explains, pointing to the blue mark. “You have thirty minutes, so you better be fast.” He hands Dean the key Jack gave them to get into the Empty and Dean takes it. “You better be careful and come back here, alright?”

“I will,” Dean promises. “Don’t forget about the other part of the plan.”

“Don’t worry, as soon as you get in there, we’ll call Jack again.”

“Good.”

“Good luck, Dean,” Eileen wishes.

“Thanks.”

Dean takes a deep breath and presses the key onto the wall, making a lock appear out of nowhere, followed by a black door that looks gooey, just like what the Empty looked like when he took Cas.

Dean turns his face briefly to take one last look at Sam and Eileen. They are both holding hands and they look distressed. Dean can’t blame them.

He turns his face again and moves the key to his right, opening the door.

“I’m coming for you, Cas,” Dean says before stepping into the Empty.


	3. Y yo a ti, Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to all for reading and for the wonderful comments you leave me, and the kudos, the bookmarks and the subscriptions.
> 
> I'll try to update next chapter next Thursday, but due to some assholes at work, I'm going to be working more hours than I should these next few days, so I can't say if I'll be able to post next Thursday. I'll try, but if I can't, you'll get the last chapter on Friday.

Not even his steps sound in the Empty.

Everything is quiet and dark in there, and it feels so cold and bleak. It’s the absence of everything. It’s just nothingness and emptiness.

Dean looks around. He doesn’t know how big the place is, but he bets that it is huge. This is where angels and demons go when they die, and probably where the monsters that die in purgatory go too, so this place must hold a lot of beings.

But Dean is looking for one person.

And he doesn’t know where to start looking.

He had tried to find any kind of information about the Empty, but there was nothing. Just a few lines that explained which beings went to this place, but that was all.

The Empty and its realm had been present way before Chuck and Amara created the universe, and yet, nobody knows anything about it.

He only has thirty minutes left, a little bit less actually, and he doesn’t know where he can find Cas. He is here, somewhere, hidden under the vast nothingness.

 _Where are you, Cas?_ Dean thinks.

Jack said that all Dean had to do to find Cas was focus on finding him.

“I must admit that I’m impressed,” says a nasal voice behind Dean. He turns around and he is met with Cas, only that it’s not his Cas. The way his eyes are widely open, almost maniacally, and the disturbing way in which he is smiling, tells Dean that this is something pretending to be Cas; that what he is seeing is an impostor. “That spell must have been difficult to come by, but you made a tiny and terrible mistake.” The thing takes a step forward and every sense in Dean tells him to take a step back, but he keeps himself rooted to the place, not wanting to show any fear. “You humans call me the Empty, but I’m the thing that lives in the Empty. My name is unknown to you. You humans gave me one, but it isn’t my real name.”

“Where’s Cas?” Dean asks, trying to hide the anger and fear he feels by that revelation.

“He’s where he belongs.”

“Release him.”

The Empty scoffs. “I will do no such thing. We made a deal and he accepted the terms. He is going to be trapped here forever.”

“Release him,” Dean repeats, taking a step forward, looking as menacing as possible. “Release him or you’ll regret it.”

“Will I?” the Empty says with a creepy smile that corrupts Cas’ face. Dean hates that the Empty choose to use that face to taunt him. “What will you do? You can’t kill me. But you, on the other hand, can die here. You are human, after all, and I can easily kill you.”

With a swift move of its hand, the Empty uses its powers and Dean begins to feel how his heart burns painfully, in the same way that it burned when Billie attacked him after he and Cas escaped from her library.

The pain makes Dean fall onto his knees. It hurts so badly, as if his heart was being ripped apart in the most painful way.

Suddenly, Dean also starts feeling pain in his head. It isn’t as intense as the pain in his heart, but it still hurts like hell. It feels at it the Empty was trying to make Dean’s brain explode from the inside.

“Maybe I should wake Castiel,” the Empty says, smirking evilly as blood starts to run down Dean’s nose. “Just to torture him a little bit more, to let him watch how you die. It would be so fun.”

“If you kill me,” Dean begins to say, struggling with the words. His heart hurts so damn much and so does his head. He knows that he is still alive because the Empty wants to drag his last moments for as long as it can. But Dean fights the pain, because he is going to give every fight he has in him so he can get Cas back. He made it this far; he can go further. “I’ll come back.”

The Empty scoffs. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Jack’s the new God,” Dean adds, still having a hard time to let his words out. Even breathing feels as if his lungs were on fire. And his head feels about to burst into oblivion. But despite all of that, he manages to give the Empty a cocky and challenging grin. “When he finds out that you killed me, he will bring me back, and I’ll come back here again so I can get Cas back.”

“And I will kill you again.”

“And I’ll come back again. Over and over again. And I won’t stop until I get Cas back.”

“You’re willing to die over and over again for Castiel? You’re willing to suffer the same painful fate for him?”

“Yes, I am,” Dean answers without a trembling voice and without a trace of doubt, because he knows that he is speaking the truth. “I will die a million times and more just to save him.” He keeps smiling at the Empty, letting it know that Dean is being serious. “And I will never let you have your precious rest until I get Cas back.”

The Empty releases his grip on Dean, and Dean feels his heart work properly again. He feels a slight headache, but it is nothing compared to whatever the Empty was doing.

He takes a needed breath while the Empty squats in front of him, giving him an amused look.

“If Jack is the new God, why hasn’t he come to save Castiel? If he is so powerful now, why hasn’t he come looking for Castiel? Why has he sent you?” the Empty asks wickedly.

It knows why Jack hasn’t come; because Jack knew that the moment the Empty sensed Jack’s presence, it would make Cas disappear forever, which would mean that nobody, not even Jack would be able to resurrect Cas in that case.

Dean simply smirks. “Because I’m a fucking annoying asshole, and I’m really good at it. I’m the one who can annoy you for eternity. That’s why I’m the one here.”

Once again, the Empty makes a creepy smile that makes Dean’s stomach turn. He hates seeing how it is twisting Cas’ face like that. He knows the way Cas smiles. He saw it when Cas confessed his love for him. That was Cas’ true smile, not the disfigured smile the Empty is making.

“Don’t lie to me. We both know why I am dealing with you right now instead of dealing with Jack. He knows that the moment I sense his presence, I will make Castiel disappear forever, and so do you,” the Empty says. “I can do it with just a tiny flick of my hand. There will be nothing left of Castiel to save, nothing to bring back. You will lose him forever if you decide to torment me for eternity. Do you really want to take that risk?”

“If you do that, I swear that I will remain here forever. And I will annoy your fucking gooey ass for eternity,” Dean promises.

“You can’t do that. You might be able to do so while you are alive, but not once you die.”

“I can rearrange where I end up when I die. I just have to talk to Jack and convince him to make sure that I end up here so you can pay for making Cas disappear. And I will never leave you alone. I will never let you rest. I will never get tired of annoying your fucking gooey ass.”

The Empty looks at him, considering his words.

“Do you really want to take that risk?” Dean says, throwing back the threat the Empty just made.

“If I make Castiel disappear, it will break you,” the Empty replies. “You will give up eventually.”

“I won’t. I made it here after you took him from me. I never gave up. And I will never give up. I will make sure that you suffer for eternity. I will never get tired. And you will never rest. I’m the most stubborn man on Earth, and if you dare to make Cas disappear forever, you will pay for it forever. You can’t make me disappear forever because I’m human. We both know that.”

“Those are all just empty promises. I know you would give up eventually. You would be so easy to break. After all, you broke in Hell after thirty years.”

Dean stares at him, shocked that the Empty knows about that.

“Wonder how I know that?” The Empty says, clearly amused with itself. “I have seen Castiel’s mind and everything in it. I have seen his thoughts, his memories, his feelings and his regrets. I could do the same with you.” The Empty approaches its fingers to Dean’s forehead, waving them playfully. “Just a touch of your forehead and I would know everything. I would find your weakness.”

“Do it,” Dean says confidently. He knows that if the Empty touches his forehead, he and Cas will be doomed, but Dean is good at pretending he has nothing to lose and that he has his shit together; he can do it in front of that asshole using Cas’ face to torment him. “You’ll see I’m not baffling. I’m not gonna leave without Cas. I don’t care if it takes me a fucking century or more. I’m gonna bring him back with me one way or another, and if I don’t, I’m gonna spend every second of my life annoying the fuck out of you. I won’t give up. I fucking swear it. And I swear that I’ll never give up on Cas.”

The Empty looks at him, silently processing Dean’s words and studying his face. Dean can see that it is trying to find a glimpse of something that will tell him that Dean is baffling.

“Give me Cas back, release him and you will be able to rest again,” Dean orders with rage in his voice. “Because if you don’t, you will never rest. I will fucking make sure of it.”

The Empty keeps looking him and stands up. Dean doesn’t break eye contact. He wants the Empty to know that if he plays him, it will regret it for eternity. 

The Empty snaps its fingers, and next to Dean, Cas appears, lying on the floor, sleeping soundly.

“Cas,” Dean breathes out.

On his knees, Dean walks the few inches that separate him from Cas, and then he cups his face. Cas is asleep but he is alive; Dean can feel his pulse. He won’t wake up until they leave the Empty, but Cas is there and he is alive, and that’s enough for Dean.

Carefully, Dean gets Cas in his arms and he stands up. Cas is heavy in his arms, but he doesn’t mind. Cas is there and Dean is getting them out of the Empty. Finally.

He can’t tear his eyes from Cas’ face; it’s been so long since he last saw him. It’s been almost one month and a half, but for Dean, it has felt like an eternity. He thought he was never going to see the love of his life again, but here he is, in Dean’s arms, looking peacefully. And Dean is bringing him back home.

“It isn’t going to be _that_ easy for you, Dean Winchester ,” threatens the Empty with a wicked tone. “I will claim him again.”

“If you ever come after him,” Dean begins to utter, making sure that each of his words is filled with poison. “I’ll come back for him, and I will torment you for eternity. I swear that I will. And you don’t want that.”

“I will get Castiel again, but next time I do, I will take him away and make him disappear forever.”

“You do that and I’ll never leave you the fuck alone.”

The Empty smirks. “Maybe. But your little speech has showed me how much you want Castiel, and I am going to use that to hurt you.”

Dean stares at the Empty as he tightens his grip around Cas protectively.

“I want you to live the rest of your life wondering when will be the day that Castiel is finally gone forever,” the Empty begins to explain. “You will never be able to live peacefully because of that. You will live in constant fear. You will have Castiel, but you will know that it won’t be permanently. I still have a grip on him, so I can hurt him any time I want. And the same will happen if Jack ever steps into this realm. I never do anything freely, Dean Winchester. I am only giving you Castiel back because I know that when I make him disappear forever, it will end you.”

Dean glares him, but he can feel the fear running down his spine.

“I will be waiting for the moment you let your guard down,” the Empty keeps saying. “And then, I will come after Castiel. And by the time you come here, Castiel would be gone forever.” It opens its eyes maniacally and it dedicates Dean a happy but creepy smile. “You might keep me awake for a while, but you will give up eventually. I am willing to make that tiny sacrifice just to see you and Castiel suffer one more time. You two have caused me already enough distress, so I will make sure that you two will live in constant despair until I take Castiel back again and make him disappear forever. It will be delightful for me. I can’t wait to have my sweet revenge eventually.”

Once again, Dean glares the Empty. “Fuck you.”

The Empty laughs at him with pity.

He turns around and begins walking to the door, carrying Cas in his arms. He tries to remain calm, not wanting the Empty to notice that Dean is waiting for the next part of the plan. He can feel the Empty behind him, watching him, enjoying the poisonous happiness he believes Dean is getting. But Dean keeps walking, as if this meeting was over.

When he reaches the door, he opens it.

Dean quickly gets inside the bunker, making sure that the door remains open, and Jack steps into the Empty in a matter of seconds.

Before the Empty has time to process what it’s happening, Jack uses his powers and it immobilizes it so it can’t do anything at all and much less hurt Castiel and make him disappear forever.

After Sam had told Dean that the Empty would go after Cas once Dean rescued Cas from the Empty, they knew they had to kill the Empty, and the only one who could do that was Jack. The problem was that Jack couldn’t step into the Empty, because if he did, the Empty would sense him before Jack could do anything, and it would kill Castiel. They couldn’t risk that, so Dean told Jack to wait outside, and the moment Dean and Cas were back in the bunker, Jack would attack the Empty, surprising it before it could do anything against Cas.

The plan had worked. The only flaw they had in it was that the spell to hide Dean hadn’t worked, but nevertheless, he had managed to work around that change of plans and save Cas.

“You will never go after Castiel,” Jack says with determination, staring at the Empty with angry eyes as his grip around him tightens, hurting the Empty like nobody has ever done before. “He will be free from you.”

Dean makes sure to look at the Empty, so he can tell him a silent _fuck you_ , but also he stares at it to witness that the thing that took Cas away from him, and that the thing that threatened to take Cas away forever in the future, is going to be completely gone and it would only be something from the past. The Empty will just be a being that Dean will only find in his nightmares, but not in real life.

Jack presses his middle finger and his thumb together, without taking his eyes from the thing of the Empty.

“No, wait!” the Empty implores as it foresees what is going to happen.

Jack snaps his fingers and the Empty opens its eyes widely before it becomes dust.

With such a simple gesture, the Empty is dead. It is completely gone. It is no longer a threat.

Dean watches what’s left of the Empty and he lets out a relieved sigh. The Empty is dead and Cas is back and save.

While the door to the Empty closes, Dean carefully kneels on the floor, letting Cas sit onto it, holding his back with one hand while the other touches Cas’ face, cupping it.

“Cas? Cas, c’mon, wake up,” Dean says softly.

He feels Sam, Eileen and Jack approaching them, but Dean doesn’t pay them any attention; all he can focus on are Cas’ closed eyes.

“Cas, sweetheart,” Dean pleads, sounding extremely worried, feeling the familiar feelings of anxiety and fear crawling into his chest. Cas should be awake right now. “Wake up, please. You’re home now, just wake up, please.”

Cas’ eyes begin to flutter, and Dean’s heart skips a beat, keeping his fears at bay.

Soon, those beautiful blue eyes open, and they meet Dean’s green eyes.

“Dean?” Castiel asks, frowning in confusion, looking disoriented.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean says shakily, as he smiles and caresses Cas’ face.

He is about to say something else, to let some of the things he has been keeping in his heart for so long, but Cas starts to scream painfully.

“Cas?” Dean asks in fear.

This can’t be good. The way Cas is screaming is horrible. He sounds in so much pain. His eyes briefly glow, but then they turn back to normal. And Cas keeps screaming as his body shakes.

Dean doesn’t know what to do but hold Cas in his arms. This shouldn’t be happening at all. All he can do is watch in horror.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asks in distress.

Cas stops screaming and he faints. Dean keeps holding him in his arms and watches him, not understanding what just happened.

“Cas?” Dean asks again, this time softer, but more scared than before. He shakes him slightly, but he obtains no response.

“Let me,” Jack says. At some time he kneeled next to Dean, but he didn’t notice. He looks at Dean, waiting for his permission, and Dean nods before Jack places two fingers on Cas’ forehead.

“Is he okay?” Eileen asks.

“The Empty has hurt him badly.”

Dean can’t help letting out a shaky breath. “Can you heal him?”

“Yes, but I need to bring him to Heaven.”

“To Heaven?”

“Why?” Sam asks.

“The Empty has hurt Cas by corrupting his grace. I can heal him, but he will need Heaven’s power to heal completely, or he will suffer every day until he is completely healed,” Jack explains, looking at Cas in a sorrowful way. “He will be fine once he is healed, but it will take him time to get well.”

“How long?” Dean asks.

“A couple of weeks.”

Dean clenches his jaw and closes his eyes. He just got him back and Cas is being taken away from him again.

But Cas needs to heal his grace. He needs to get better. He has already suffered enough; Dean won’t let him suffer more.

So he will wait for him. He can wait a little bit more. He has waited this long, after all. A little bit more won’t be that bad. Cas is alive and he is free from the Empty. Now, all that he has to do is get better. Dean can wait for that.

He opens his eyes and stares at Cas' sleepy but troubled face.

“Take care of him while he’s in Heaven, please,” Dean tells Jack. “And tell him that when he’s better, he can come back home.”

“I will, Dean. Don’t worry,” Jack says.

“Are you sure he will be fine?” Sam asks, looking at Cas first and then at Dean.

“He will. Heaven’s power will ease and accelerate the healing process.”

Dean closes his eyes again and a tear falls down his cheek. It is hard to let Cas go, to part from him, even if he knows it is just only temporary, but it still hurts. His only consolation is that Cas won’t suffer while he gets better.

“I need to take him to Heaven now,” Jack says.

“Just give me a second,” Dean pleads. He presses a kiss on Castiel’s forehead and then he moves his face until his lips are barely inches away from Cas’ ear. “I’ll wait for you, Cas, okay? No matter how long it takes you to heal, I’ll wait for you to come back, like you always do. Just come back home. I’ll be waiting for you, I promise.”

He presses another kiss to Cas’ temple.

“Thanks for everything, Jack,” Sam says. Dean nods in agreement, unable to utter a single word; he is afraid he will start sobbing and won’t be able to stop for hours.

“No problem. I’m glad I could help in the end,” Jack says.

He waves his hand and then, he and Cas are gone from the bunker.

Dean exhales sharply and closes his eyes, letting a few more tears fall down.

“He will be fine, Dean,” Sam assures him.

“He will come back sooner than you expect,” Eileen adds.

Dean nods. “Yeah.”

“I know it’s frustrating to see him go again, but this is just temporary,” Sam continues saying, wanting to cheer his brother up. “Once he’s healed, he’ll come back.”

Dean opens his eyes and looks at his brother. “I know that, it’s just that I—” He takes a deep breath and suddenly he feels so damn tired from the tension he has been holding in his body. It feels as if his body was made of iron; too heavy to carry or move. “I hoped that I wasn’t gonna have to wait anymore to see him again, to tell him that—” He doesn’t finish the sentence. He could, but he wants to say those words to Cas first.

“Yeah, I get it.” Sam kneels in front of him and gives him a soft smile. “But think that now Cas is alive and free from the Empty. You saved him. After all, you saved him. And that’s something to be so damn happy about it.”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, you’re right.”

This is a big win, after all. But Dean already misses Cas.

* * *

The days pass slowly.

Dean doesn’t know what to do to occupy his time. He tries reading, but his mind quickly drifts to thoughts about Cas and he ends up not reading several paragraphs of the book. He tries working on the Impala, but he always takes such a good care of his Baby that it doesn’t need any type of work done on it. He tries watching movies and TV shows, but just like it happened with books, he ends up missing scenes because his mind drifts towards Cas.

It’s only been four days since he rescued Cas from the Empty and it feels like four weeks have passed.

He also has trouble falling asleep, because his mind doesn’t shut up. He always ends up falling asleep from exhaustion, but when he wakes up, he doesn’t feel well rested at all.

He knows that Cas is getting better in Heaven, but Dean wishes he could talk to him or know how he is doing. But he can’t.

All he can do is wait. And it is fucking exhausting.

Cas will come back, he knows that. But part of him is afraid that Cas won’t come back because it is probable that Cas thinks that his love isn’t reciprocated and Dean might not want him back. He might think that their relationship is broken.

But Cas saw Dean right after he got him from the Empty, and he had had to feel the way Dean touched his face. That must have told him something, right? And even if he didn’t, Jack will tell him that Dean was the one who got him out of the Empty, so maybe that will be enough encouragement for Cas to come back.

But what if he doesn’t want to come back?

No. That’s not possible. Cas always comes back to him. This is Dean’s self-loathing talking, making him question things and see the worse of himself.

Cas will come back. Dean only needs to be patient. And he needs to believe in what their hearts feel.

Whenever those intrusive thoughts come in, he always touches the inked feather on his forearm.

Cas always comes back to Dean. That has always been a constant. And Dean has faith in that.

* * *

Sam comes back from his morning run alone. Eileen is also a runner like him, so when she is in the bunker, she also wakes up early to run with Sam. They are both insane.

Eileen is back at her house, picking up stuff to bring back to the bunker because she is moving here. Sam had offered to help her, but she insisted on doing it alone, because she can fit everything in her car, so there was no point in Sam coming with her.  
Dean suspects that Eileen didn’t want Dean to be alone; besides, she probably knew that Sam was going to worry about his sorry ass all the time, so she was making the two of them a favor.

Now that Sam and Eileen are together, Dean has gained another family member who also worries too much about him.

It’s not like Dean is doing great, but he was way worse when Cas was trapped in the Empty. The uncertainty of it was killing him. He didn’t know if he was going to see Cas again, if he was going to find a way to save him, so Dean was hurting all the time.

Now, the waiting is more frustrating than damaging, but Dean still has bad days. Not as bad as when he drank himself to sleep, fortunately.

Still, he keeps a bottle of whiskey hidden in his room for his worse days. One that neither Sam nor Eileen know about.

Soon, Dean will have to get himself another bottle of whiskey, because it isn’t going to take him too long to empty the one he has hidden.

There are cracks in Dean that no one is allowed to see.

Except for Cas.

He saw those cracks in Dean, and he still fell in love with Dean.

“I can’t believe you made a fruit salad,” Sam says as he sits down, taking Dean away from his thoughts.

“I like it,” Dean says casually as he shrugs. “Hey, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while.”

Sam looks at him intrigued. “What is it?”

“Do you plan on keep hunting?”

The question catches Sam by surprise. He looks at Dean, as if he was making sure that he heard right. His little brother remains quiet for a while, not tearing his eyes from Dean’s face; Dean knows that Sam is studying him as he considers the question. A long time ago, the answer to that question might have damaged their relationship, but that isn’t the case anymore.

Whatever Sam says, Dean will accept it.

“I’m not sure,” Sam finally answers. “I’ve been thinking about it. There’s a part of me that wants to hunt somehow, but there’s a bigger part of me that doesn’t want to do that anymore. Not after everything we’ve been through.” He takes a deep breath. “What about you? Do you want to still hunt?”

“Not really,” Dean answers, and once again, Sam is surprised. “But I’d like to keep helping people, you know? I’ve been thinking that maybe, we can create a hunting network and help hunters all around USA. We’ve got more knowledge about this stuff than every other hunter combined. But I don’t want to do cases anymore, at least not directly. But we can help in many different ways. What do you think?”

“I think that’s a great idea, Dean,” Sam admits, really happy and pleased. “I’m surprised, to be honest.”

“Are you surprised about the fact that I got a smart idea or the fact that I want to retire?”

“I’m surprised that you want to retire.”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, well, I think we deserve it. I think we both have had enough hunting in our lives. Besides, we’re getting old. Hunting has never been easy, so it will get harder every day. And I don’t know about you, but now that I’m free to do whatever the fuck I want, I wanna live my life peacefully and happily. I don’t wanna die in a hunt. Can you imagine how shitty it would be if we just went on a hunt and died in the most absurd way after defeating Chuck?”

“Yeah, that would be really shitty,” Sam agrees with a bitter face.

“Our lives will never be normal, and I’m more than okay with that. But what I want is to live without knowing that my end is in the hands on some random monster. I wanna grow old and live.”

“I want that, too.”

“Awesome,” Dean says, feeling happy about Sam wanting to retire as well. “Okay, so, we can start working on this network soon, if you’re okay with that.”

“Yeah. I’m in.”

Dean grins.

* * *

“Hey, Cas,” Dean begins to pray. “I hope you can hear me.”

He is sitting on the edge of his bed, sheltering himself in the quietness and safety of his room. Sam and Eileen are watching a movie together. They told Dean to join them, but he refused. He doesn’t want to intrude them. He would rather be in his bedroom, where the loneliness isn’t so bad. People tend to say that loneliness hits you harder when you are alone, but the worst kind of loneliness is when you feel it when you are surrounded by people and you feel completely alone.

It’s not that Sam and Eileen make him feel lonely; it’s that when he sees them together, they remind him of what he doesn’t have yet.

“I hope you’re doing better,” Dean keeps praying. As he usually does when he prays, his right hand touches the inked black feather on his skin. “I don’t know how the healing process works, but I hope you’re doing better. And I hope you get well really soon.”  
He closes his eyes, picturing Cas’ face, hearing his love confession. Dean wants to tell him that he loves him too, but he won’t do that in his prayer. Cas deserves to hear it when they are face to face. He owes him that.

“I hope you come back home soon,” Dean adds. “We miss you. I miss you. Fuck, I miss you so much, Cas.”

He takes a deep breath. Praying to Cas has never been easy, because Dean always ends up showing his heart way too much, he feels like he is being truly vulnerable, but it helps to calm the pining and the ache in his heart.

“Me and Sammy are working on creating a hunting network to help hunters all across the country,” Dean begins to explain, sounding less emotional. This is a topic he can talk about easily. “Eileen is helping us too. She moved in a week ago because she and Sam are back together. Fuck, you should see those idiots. They’re so sappy, but they’re so damn happy.” He laughs at that. “Anyway, we’re retiring from the hunting life. We’re gonna be helping other hunters when they need something from the lore or ingredients for spells, or certain weapons, but we won’t be hunting. We’ve fought enough and we’ve lost more than anyone, so I think it’s time to retire and just live, you know?”

He opens his eyes and looks around his bedroom, hoping that Cas will suddenly appear. But he doesn’t; Cas is still in Heaven. It’s been almost two weeks since he came back from the Empty and he is still in Heaven.

“I’m looking for a part-time job as a mechanic,” Dean adds. “I haven’t told Sammy yet, ‘cause I don’t know if I’ll get a job or not, but I don’t’ want to get his hopes up or anything. But I just wanted you to know. I dunno, I— I’m not sure if I’m cut to work like a normal person, but I wanna try. But just part-time, ‘cause I just need to do other stuff regarding the hunting network, and that takes time, so…”

He nods to himself, feeling slightly proud of himself.

“I wish you were here, Cas,” Dean says.

He takes a look at the photo of Cas he keeps on his bedside table. It is one he and Cas took when they both wore cowboy hats for a case, right after Cas just came back from the Empty. Dean made sure to print different copies of that photo. He gave one to Cas, while he kept two of them; one is in his wallet, while the other remained in a drawer where he kept all his photos. Now he has framed each of those memories and put them in different places in his bedroom. And he has put Cas’ one on his bedside table, so he can see it when he goes to bed and when he wakes up.

“It’s not the same without you,” Dean continues with a sad but soft voice. “Just— just come home when you’re alright, okay? I’ll be waiting for you to come back. You know I always do.”

* * *

A knock on Dean’s door makes look away from his bookshelf, which he is cleaning and reordering.

“Yeah?” Dean asks.

“Hey,” Sam says as he comes in. “You’ve got a minute?”

“Sure,” Dean says as he puts the cloth away. “What is it?”

Sam puts his hand in his jeans’ pockets, and Dean knows that’s a gesture he does when he wants to look casual when in reality he feels nervous about something.

“Eileen and I are thinking about going somewhere during the weekend,” Sam beings to say, and there in his words Dean can hear the hidden worry. “And I was wondering if you’d be okay with that.”

“Dude, why do you have to ask me that?” Dean asks, frowning. He doesn’t understand why Sam needs his consent or whatever. “Isn’t this something you should be talking with Eileen and not me?”

“It’s not that, Dean,” Sam says, rolling his eyes in exasperation. “It’s just that I’m worried about leaving you here alone during the whole weekend. I know that you— that you’re still struggling with not having Cas back yet.”

Dean sighs. “I’ll be fine, Sammy. Don’t worry. You and Eileen can go anywhere and anytime you want to, you don’t need to check on me.”

“I know that, but I’m still worried.”

“I’m not gonna get drunk and do something stupid if that’s what worries you,” Dean assures, feeling ashamed of himself. Yes, he still drinks more than he should once in a while, but he is doing better. Slowly, but he is doing better.

“No, it’s not that. I’m worried that you are gonna be hurting while you are alone.”

Dean takes a deep breath. “Sam, you can’t stop your life just because I’m hurting. I know you mean well, but you can’t forget about living your life just because I’m not one hundred percent great.”

“Dean—”

“Listen to me, Sam,” Dean interrupts, looking at his brother seriously. “I’m not dying nor in trouble, I’m just hurting because Cas is in Heaven and I don’t know when he’ll come back and I’m also hurting because there’s so much I want to tell him but I haven’t told him yet. It’s shitty, it’s fucking shitty, but I know that he is alive, and that makes things easier. I’ve been much worse and you know that.”

Sam chuckles bitterly at that.

“What I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to be dragged into my misery,” Dean keeps explaining. “This isn’t a life or death situation, Sammy, this is just me, trying to put my heart back together. I know that during all our lives we’ve put each other first because we didn’t have anyone else, but now we do, and it’s okay if we now get to be a little selfish. There’s nothing bad with being selfish, to putting others first or to putting our own happiness first, ‘cause I know that if things go really bad, we still have each other, we will be there. That’s never gonna disappear. But we also have more people who care about us; our family isn’t just you and me anymore. It’s Cas, Eileen, Jody, Donna, the girls…”

Sam smiles at that.

“So go and take your weekend off, okay?” Dean says. “Enjoy your time with Eileen. You two fucking deserve it.”

Sam looks at him, prouder than ever.

“What?” Dean asks.

“You’ve become really mature,” Sam answers, emotionally.

Dean snorts. “Yeah, unlike you, asshole.”

“I take back what I said.”

Dean laughs and Sam soon joins him.

* * *

The bunker is so damn quiet without Sam and Eileen in it.

Dean likes quietness, but there is a sense of too much quietness in the bunker right now. He remembers the time when he came back from being possessed by Michael and he found out there were tons of hunters living in the bunker. There was too much noise and it felt so wrong as well.

A home shouldn’t be extremely quiet or extremely noisy.

He spends his Friday cleaning the kitchen and then he watches some movies. He prays to Cas before bed, because that has become a thing he needs to do before going to bed. He tells him about his day, about how the hunting network is going, and he always tells him that he misses him and that he hopes he is doing better.

He always hopes that by the time he finishes praying, Cas will appear in his bedroom and greet him with his usual hello, Dean. But that hasn’t happened yet.

It’s been almost four weeks since Dean saved Cas from the Empty and there is still no sign of him. He wonders if Cas is not healing the way he should be.

He wakes up early on Saturday, but decides to linger in bed for an hour. His bed is warm and cozy, and it isn’t like he has to do much today. It feels nice to lie and do nothing for as long as he needs to. The only reason he ends up leaving his bed is because he really needs to go to the bathroom.

His morning is uneventful. Sam and Eileen call him to know how he is doing and Dean can’t help rolling his eyes and smiling because the two of them care so much about him.

During the afternoon, he decides to go to Lebanon and take a walk around the town. He ends up visiting his favorite record store, spending an hour searching through the vinyl section and ends up buying two Led Zeppelin records he didn’t have in vinyl format and _Rocket to Russia_ by The Ramones.

He has always wanted to expand his record and book collection, but hunting barely gave him time to go somewhere and browse during hours for books or vinyl records. There was always one apocalypse after another. In between hunts he had time to watch his favorite movies, play some of his records and read books, but it was something he could only do once in a month, twice if he was lucky. But now, he has time to enjoy the things he loves. Now, he has time to live.

He puts his new purchased records in the trunk and then he gets into the driver’s seat. He could just go back to the bunker, but it’s a nice afternoon and he would like to see the sunset and enjoy it like he has never done before.

Dean drives to the same spot he always drives to when he wants to see the stars. It is a nice clearing and few cars drive past, making it peacefully quiet.

After he parks the Impala, Dean gets out of the car and sits on its hood, letting the soft sunrays brush his face, warming it softly. He smiles at the feeling.

He looks at the sky, painted in orange, blue, pink and lilac; he wonders if Cas can see this beautiful sunset from Heaven.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean begins to pray, looking up at the sky. “I know it’s a bit earlier than my usual praying time, but I— I don’t know. I guess I just miss you a lot, and praying makes the heartache fade a little.” He takes a deep breath and touches his tattoo. “I’m just here in a clearing, not far from home, and I’m just watching a sunset, because I now can do that.” He chuckles at that. “It’s a really nice sunset. I’m sure you would’ve liked it.” He looks to his right, hoping to see Cas sitting there, next to him, but the spot remains empty. He lets out a sad sigh. “I wish you were here, Cas. I wish things had been easier for us. I wish you hadn’t died and gone to the Empty and suffer. I wish you could have stayed when I got you out of the Empty. I wish I could have had time to tell you so many things that I didn’t get to say when I should’ve. I wish you were here, enjoying your life because you fucking deserve it.” He lets out shaky breath and dries the few tears that have fallen. “I wish you were here with me.”

Dean exhales, letting the anguish out and allowing himself to calm down.

And then, he hears a flap of wings; a sound he hasn’t heard in years.

Dean turns around and sees Cas, standing next to the Impala, and Dean stands up, until he is front of Cas.

“Cas?” Dean asks, not believing what his eyes are seeing.

Castiel smiles, softly. “Hello, Dean.”

Dean keeps staring at him. Cas looks good, really good. And he is there, finally there. After so many weeks, Cas is finally there. And Dean is rooted on the place, unable to process that Cas is back.

“I was waiting for you in the bunker,” Castiel begins to explain, sounding and looking embarrassed. He looks away from Dean, who is still standing there. He wonders if Cas is feeling awkward because he thinks Dean feels weird now that he knows that Cas loves him. “But you weren’t there, and then, you started praying, and I decided to come here. I hope that’s alright.”

For a few seconds, Dean remains rooted on the spot, but then, Dean goes to Cas, almost running to him, and he throws himself to Cas, hugging him tightly as he lets out a relieved sigh and he starts crying.

At first, Cas seems shocked by the hug, but he immediately gets his arms around Dean, hugging him tightly too.

“Dean—”

“I love you, too,” Dean says, moving his face so Cas’ eyes and his can meet, so Cas can see in his green eyes that Dean loves him. “And you can have me, Cas. You’ve had me for a long time, you idiot.”

Cas stares at him with tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say it when I had the chance,” Dean keeps saying. He lifts one hand to cup Cas’ face, and Cas leans into the touch, letting out a shaky breath. “You chose the worst time to confess that, you know that?”

Castiel chuckles at that. “I am aware.”

“I couldn’t— with everything that was going on and with all the stuff that you told me, I couldn’t say anything, even if I wanted to. “ He presses their foreheads together, and it is such a simple gesture, but it feels wonderful, to be like this with Cas. He shreds some tears as well, but they are happy tears, not filled with pain like when he was about to die. “But I want you to know that you also changed me, and that you’re fucking awesome, and that I’m glad that you’re back, and that I love you. And you can have me. I’m yours, Cas. I’ve been yours for a fucking really long time.”

“Dean,” Castiel murmurs, making Dean’s name sound holly. “I love you, too.”

Dean smiles, shakily, and then he removes the few inches in between them and finally kisses Cas.

It’s sweet but also desperate. Sweet for all the love that they feel, and desperate for all the years they have been longing for this thing they thought they were never going to have.

They kiss for a long time, sharing multiple kisses, not caring when one starts and the other finishes. One of Cas’ hands ends on Dean’s cheek while the other is on his nape, pulling Dean closer. Dean has one of his hands running through Cas’ hair while his other hand is on Cas’ jaw. They press closer, not wanting to let any space in between them. They have spent so many years keeping a space that both wanted gone.

When they pull away, they press their foreheads together and smile at each other crookedly, as if they couldn’t fully believe what just happened.

“I— I didn’t think you felt the same,” Castiel confesses with a breathy voice.

“Of course I did,” Dean says. “I never told you that I loved you ‘cause I thought that you couldn’t feel things like humans did. That’s why I never said anything. But I’ve been in love with you for a long time, Cas.”

Castiel stares at him and then squints his eyes. “Are you implying that we spent several years secretly in love with each other, but never acted on our feelings because we thought our love was unrequited?”

“Pretty much, yeah,” Dean admits with a guilty grimace. “We’ve always been a couple of dumbasses.”

That makes Castiel grin beautifully, and Dean loves being able to see Cas like this, to be the reason of that smile. But most importantly, to see that smile without sad tears accompanying it.

“Shit, I haven’t asked you, are you alright? Are you healed?” Dean asks, taking a good look at Cas, making sure that he is in fact alright.

“Yes, I’m healed, Dean,” Castiel answers. His hands find Dean’s, and they lace their fingers. Another simple and sweet gesture that makes Dean feel something warm and nice in his heart. “I’m fully powered up as you would say.”

“You’ve got your mojo back? And your wings?”

“Yes,” Castiel affirms. “Jack healed me and restored my wings and my powers, but the Empty’s corruption on my grace slowed my recovery. I was awake all the time, helping Jack fix Heaven, trying to make something useful with the amount of time I had to spend in Heaven before I could finally come back to Earth. It’s been a long waiting.”

Dean snorts. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

“Your prayers helped me. I always looked forward to hear from you.”

“Yeah?” he asks, looking at Cas in awe.

“Yes.” Castiel smiles again, and it is such a beautiful sight that it makes Dean lean and steal another kiss. He is never going to get tired of kissing Cas. He can’t believe he is finally able to just lean and kiss Cas. “Jack also told me that you rescued me from the Empty. I remember seeing you in the bunker, but then I passed out. I’m sorry I can’t remember anything else.”

“Don’t worry, it’s okay.”

“Still, thank you, Dean, for coming after me and saving me.”

“Cas, there was no way I was gonna leave you in that place.”

Castiel smiles. Then, he lifts Dean’s hand and he kisses his palm, which makes Dean blush like he hasn’t blushed in years or maybe in forever.

“Still, thank you,” Castiel says again.

“It was my turn to grip you tight and raise you from perdition,” Dean says with smirk.

Castiel gives him a look that means he doesn’t find Dean’s joke funny, but his lips are slightly forming a smile, betraying him.

“So, what now?” Dean asks. “What are your plans? I’ve already told you about my plans.”

He tries to make the question sound casual, but he isn’t successful. Even though Cas is back, even though they both love each other, some part of Dean is afraid that Cas is going to leave, or that he doesn’t want to share Dean’s life now that Dean is retiring from hunting. He knows those thoughts are stupid, but his self-loathing has a really loud voice that always feeds itself on Dean’s fear of abandonment.

After everything that has happened to them, after all the times he has lost Cas, Dean can’t get rid of that fear that tells him that Cas is going to leave sooner or later.

“There are things that I still to need to do in Heaven,” Cas starts to say. “Things to fix, things that I need to help Jack with. But once I’m done with that, I plan on staying with you, permanently, if you will have me.”

Dean looks at Cas, half in disbelief and half in awe. It takes him a few seconds to process what Cas just said, and when he has processed Cas’ words, he cups Cas’ face and he kisses him.

“Of fucking course that I’ll have you, Cas,” Dean says after he pulls away, smiling at Cas. “So, you’re gonna go to Heaven now and don’t come back until you’re done?”

“I was planning on going to Heaven for a couple of hours every day, and then spend the rest of the day here on Earth with you, if that’s alright.”

Dean can’t help but let out a relieved and happy sigh. “It’s fucking alright.” He kisses him again, only that this time is really intense kiss. It catches Cas by surprise at first, but the angel is swiftly kissing him back with the same force. “Fuck, I’m so glad you’re back and that you’re staying with me.”

“There is no place I would rather be, Dean.”

Dean grins and presses a brief kiss on his wonderful lips.

Cas is back and he is staying. Dean couldn’t be happier.

“C’mon, let’s go home, Cas.”

“Of course, Dean.”


	4. We Deserve a Soft Epilogue, My Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter. I hope you enjoy it :') Also, this turned out to be longer than I planned, lol.

Dean’s alarm rings and he quickly turns it off, groaning at it.

Cas tightens his arms around Dean and he kisses his nape.

“Good morning, Dean,” Castiel murmurs into his skin.

Dean smiles. Despite having to wake up early and hating it, having Cas in bed always makes him happy.

Part of him still can’t believe he is lucky enough to wake up next to Cas every day. He spent almost a decade wishing to have this, and now he finally has it, and in Dean’s opinion, it is so much better than what he had imagined.

“Morning, sunshine,” Dean mumbles as he rolls in Cas’ arms, wanting to face him so they can kiss properly.

They kiss lazily but sweetly. When they pull away, Dean buries his face on the crook of Cas’ neck and sighs contently. He knows he should get up, but it is always so hard to leave bed when Cas is there. Especially when he is holding him tightly and caressing Dean’s hair gently. There is no place Dean would rather be than there.

“I don’t wanna get up,” Dean says.

“We can linger in bed for a while,” Castiel suggests. “You don’t need to be in the garage for two hours.”

Dean had finally found a job a week after Cas came back. He is a mechanic in a garage in Lebanon. He only works part time and it isn’t too much money, but it’s not like they need a lot money, after all, they still have Charlie’s infallible credit card, but Dean likes his job and he likes having something to do during the mornings and a sense of routine. And during that time, Cas spends his day in Heaven, fixing up stuff and helping Jack with things. Sam and Eileen meanwhile work on uploading all the lore into the hunting network they created. The process is going slowly because there is so much data they need to upload, but so far, what they have already uploaded is helping other hunters.

“No,” Dean says. “You know I like making a big breakfast. Besides my asshole of a brother is gonna complain if there is no breakfast when he and Eileen come back from their stupid morning run.”

Castiel chuckles and kisses Dean’s forehead. “You are so grumpy this morning.”

Dean lifts his face slightly and rests his chin on Cas’ chest. Cas doesn’t stop running his fingers through Dean’s hair, and Dean finds himself leaning into his touch, like he always does.

“I know of something that will lift my mood,” Dean says suggestively, moving his eyebrows up and down.

Cas grins gummily. “Shower together?”

Dean hums. “That’s right. But give me five minutes. I still don’t wanna leave bed yet.”

“Of course, Dean,” Castiel murmurs before pressing a soft kiss to Dean’s lips.

“You going to Heaven today?” Dean asks after he has pressed his cheek on Cas’ chest, feeling the constant beating of his heart.

“Yes. Today is the last day I will go to Heaven.”

That makes Dean look at him, because he knows what this means. Cas told Dean that once he was done in Heaven, he was going to ask Jack to remove his grace so he could become human, because that’s something he has wanted for a long time.

“Are you sure about this? About becoming human?” Dean asks. It isn’t the first time they have had this conversation. Cas has been living in the bunker for over a month, and he announced Dean his plans the next day after he came back. Dean accepts and respects Cas’ choice, but he has stated in several occasions that being human is messy, hard and complicated; it is not an easy journey.

“Yes. Why do you still sound against it?” Castiel asks, doing his usual confused face, which consists of a frown and squinted eyes.

“I’m not against it, Cas. It’s just that you know as well as I do that being human is not easy. I don’t want you to do something that you might regret. That’s all.”

“I won’t regret it. This is what I want, Dean. It’s been a long time since I haven’t felt like an angel. I have felt more human than angel for almost a decade.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“Then, what’s the problem?” he asks, sounding more curious than defensive. He is so damn patient with Dean, which is extremely helpful, in Dean’s opinion. Dean is aware that he can be frustrating at times, but Cas is so damn patient with him. “Do you prefer me as an angel rather than a human?”

His hand touches Dean’s tattoo. Dean remembers the first time Cas saw it. It was the night Cas came back from Heaven, when they went to bed together so they could sleep in the same bed, even if Cas didn’t need to do such thing.

When Dean took off his plaid shirt, his arms were exposed, and Cas immediately saw the inked black feather. He ran his fingers along the tattoo and then looked at Dean. He had recognized his feather, of course; Dean knew he would have.

And while Cas looked at him, asking a silent question, Dean answered him that he got Cas’ feather inked because he had missed him so much and because he loved him, and he wanted to have a part of Cas permanently on him.

After those words, Cas had looked at him with so much love that Dean felt it right in his heart. And then he felt it in the kiss they shared.

And then, a few days later, Cas got Dean’s name in Enochian tattooed on his inner left wrist. Dean accompanied him to the tattoo studio, and he also got himself tattooed on the same spot Cas’ name in Enochian.

Now, Cas is brushing the inked black feather, a symbol of something he isn’t going to have anymore.

“Cas, sweetheart,” Dean says softly.

He reaches for Cas’ face, cupping it, and Castiel immediately leans into his touch. Dean hadn’t been the only one touch starved; Cas had been too. Now that they get to touch and kiss as much as they want to, they welcome every gesture and lean into it. But both still look in awe at each other every once in a while, not completely believing that they can do this now. You can’t remove almost a decade of yearning in just one month.

But they have managed to grow more comfortable around each other; they now have learnt to say out loud what they couldn’t say before, as well as to remove the small distance they kept in between each other to avoid hurting each other and themselves.

And they have learnt to remove their masks and see each other truly. Dean wasn’t the only one who kept a mask on; Cas did to. He always looked stoic. Although over the past seven years, Cas had been showing more and more emotion, yet he still kept his love for Dean under a mask, afraid that if he allowed Dean to glimpse that, it would hurt him. Dean was doing the same. Cas had been able to see behind Dean’s mask, but he had never been able to see that Dean’s love was there.

Now they don’t have to hide that anymore. They can love and be loved in return. And it is such a wonderful thing.

“You could be a fucking leviathan and I’d still love you,” Dean says, looking at Cas’ beautiful eyes. “I don’t care if you’re human, angel or whatever the hell you want to be. You’ll always be you. And that’s what matters. But being an angel has been important to you, and I’m worried that leaving that part behind will hurt you.”

Castiel smiles at him fondly.

“What?” Dean asks, not knowing why Cas is smiling like that. He is still learning some of his expressions, as well as Cas is learning his. There are so many gestures that they still don’t know about each other, things that they only do when they are alone. It is an amazing learning process.

“You are the most caring, selfless and loving human being that I have ever known,” Castiel replies before kissing Dean’s palm.

Dean blushes and buries his face in Cas’ neck, groaning in embarrassment. “You fucking sap.”

Castiel chuckles and tightens his grip on Dean.

“So, you’re gonna grow old with me, huh?” Dean asks, pulling away his face slightly, just enough to meet Cas’ eyes.

“I’m going to grow old with you, beloved,” Castiel answers.

Dean blushes at the pet name. He always does. He can’t believe he is someone’s beloved; Cas’ beloved.

“I like the sound of that,” Dean confesses, meeting Cas in a sweet kiss.

* * *

Cas makes coffee while Dean makes breakfast. Sam and Eileen come back from their morning run just in time to sit down at the table and join Dean and Castiel. As every morning, they chat about things. Sometimes it is random things, sometimes is about how Heaven is doing or about the hunting network. But it doesn’t matter what they talk about; they are always happy when they have breakfast together.

Sam and Eileen are the ones who wash the dishes. It’s a deal Eileen made; if Dean and Cas cook, then Sam and Eileen have to wash the dishes because that’s what’s fair. Dean really likes that deal.

While Sam and Eileen remain in the kitchen, Dean and Castiel walk together to the garage. Cas always accompanies him to give him a farewell kiss before they part ways. Sometimes they kiss for so long that then Dean has to drive faster than it is allowed to get to work in time, but he doesn’t feel guilty about it at all.

“I’ll see you later?” Dean asks in between kisses.

“Of course, Dean,” Castiel answers, smiling softly. “But instead of meeting in the bunker, do you mind if we meet in the clearing where we first kissed?”

Dean looks at him, surprised. Usually, after Cas is done in Heaven, he either zaps to the bunker or he appears in the Impala. It depends of how much time he spends upstairs. So hearing him saying that he wants him to meet Dean somewhere else is strange.

“Sure, but how’re you gonna get there?” Dean asks. “You won’t have your wings anymore.”

“Jack can easily leave me there,” Castiel explains with an obvious voice.

“Yeah, okay, sweetheart.” He kisses Cas one last time and then he opens the door of the Impala. “I hope everything goes well.”

“It will. Have a nice day at work, Dean.”

Dean smiles at him and then gets in the car. By the time he closes the door, Cas is gone.

* * *

Usually, Dean’s time in the garage passes quickly, but today, time seems to move slower.

He is thinking about Cas and how when they meet in a few hours, he will be human. And he is also thinking about why Cas wants to meet him where they first kissed.

It’s not like he is worried about anything. This is Cas’ choice and Dean is going to support him no matter what, even if he knows that being human is far from easy. But they have each other, as well as Sam, Eileen, Jody, Donna and the girls. Having all that wonderful people in their lives makes life easier.

Being human is hard and it can be really scary, but once you have people who love you for who you are, who accept the lightest and darkest parts of you, the process of being human can be a good thing.

Dean keeps working on a 70s Chevy Camaro, hoping that time will pass faster, but it doesn’t. He keeps looking at the clock every once in a while, and there is a moment he swears the clock is moving backwards, because time is going so damn slow.

But finally, the time to leave arrives, and Dean almost runs to his Impala and then he starts driving to where he and Cas have agreed to meet.

As he approaches the place, Dean spots Cas’ figure in the distance. He sees him turn around the moment he hears the purr of the Impala’s engine, and he smiles at Dean.

Dean parks the car while Cas approaches the driver’s door, waiting for Dean to come out.

Dean looks at him, and he doesn’t see any difference in Cas. He just looks the same.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean says.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel says.

At the same time, they take a step forward, removing the small distance in between them and they embrace each other, holding tight. Dean feels Cas let out a soft breath, and Dean tightens his grip around him.

“You okay?” Dean whispers into Cas’ hair before pressing a lingering kiss there.

Cas nods. “I am.”

Dean pulls away slightly. His hand comes to cup Castiel’s face, and Cas reaches up, placing his on top of Dean’s.

“Welcome to humanity,” Dean says with a soft smile.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“You’re gonna hate waking up early from now on.”

Castiel laughs at that and he kisses Dean, letting him feel his happiness. “I won’t mind.”

“Oh, you will. Trust me.”

They both laugh.

“Hey, how about if this weekend the four of us go to Jody’s so we celebrate your humanity with Jody, Donna and the girls?” Dean suggests. He has been thinking about this since Cas announced him that he wanted to become human. He wants Cas to experience the good things about humanity, and there is no better way to do that that with their family.

“I would love that,” Castiel says.

“Awesome.” He kisses him again. “Shall we go back home?”

“Not yet,” Castiel says. He gets his hand in one of his trench coat’s pockets and then, when he has what he is looking for, he opens his hand, revealing a vial attached to a necklace. Said vial contains a blue and glowing light.

“Your grace,” Dean says, looking how Cas’ grace glows brightly and beautifully, swirling into the glass.

“I want you to have it.”

“What?” Dean asks, looking at Cas in disbelief. “Cas, I can’t— I can’t take this.”

Castiel smiles softly at him and with his free hand, he grabs one of Dean’s hands and presses the necklace into his palm, closing Dean’s fingers around it. “I’m giving it to you. It’s yours.”

“Cas, I—” He doesn’t know what to say, how to express his feelings. Cas is giving him a part of himself, he is giving him his grace. “Cas, I’m not worthy of this.”

“You are, Dean,” Castiel insists, looking at Dean with determination and softness in his eyes. He cups Dean’s face and his thumb caresses Dean’s cheek. “You are full of worth, beloved. And you are definitely worthy of having my grace.”

Dean lets out a shaky breath and he turns his face slightly, pressing a soft kiss on Cas’ palm.

Dean still has a hard time accepting that there is something worthy in him. But Cas believes that there is. Dean is working hard to see himself the same way Cas sees him. It is a slow and difficult process, but he is slowly getting there.

“Okay,” Dean simply says, looking at the love of his life, who smiles fondly. “Okay.”

He knows he should be saying more, but words die in his throat. But he knows that Cas knows what he can’t say out loud.

Dean opens his palm to look at Cas’ grace and then, he puts on the necklace, letting Cas’ grace rest on his chest.

Castiel’s other hand also cups Dean’s face and he gives him a long and breathtaking kiss.

“I’m yours, Dean,” Castiel murmurs as he presses their foreheads together. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

Dean nods effusively. “So,” Dean begins to say with a broken voice. In the past he would have hated the way his voice broke, but not anymore. He knows he can be vulnerable in front of Cas, because Cas doesn’t judge him. He lets Dean be himself. “Are you staying with me for good?”

Castiel smiles. “Yes, Dean. I think I made myself quite clear.”

“Yeah, I know, just— just wanting to make sure,” Dean says, attempting to light the mood.

Castiel looks at him fondly. There is no pity in his eyes; only acceptance. He knows how deep Dean’s fear of abandonment runs.

“I’m not letting you go, by the way,” Dean adds, also aware of Cas’ fear of being told to leave. It is ridiculous to think that Dean never asked Cas to stay because he thought that Cas always wanted to leave, while Cas always left because he thought that Dean didn’t want him to stay. “Just in case I didn’t make myself clear.”

“I am aware, Dean,” Castiel says with a soft smile.

They both lean to kiss each other, and they share a long and passionate kiss.

“Let’s go home, Dean.”

* * *

“There was no need for a cake,” Castiel says timidly when Jody puts the big chocolate cake in the middle of the table.

“Of course there was!” Jody exclaims as she starts slicing the cake. “You're now human and we have to celebrate it. And when humans want to celebrate something, we eat a big cake.”

“It should be with pie,” Dean grunts. It earns him an amused smile from Cas and a roll of eyes from Sam.

“I think cake’s better than pie,” Donna confesses.

Dean looks at her in shock and horror. “What?”

“Donna,” Sam intervenes. “You really don’t want to have that argument with him.”

“This is a betrayal, Donna.”

“I like the spongy texture of cake. And cakes are way sweeter than pies. You have to agree on that with me.”

“Sweeter doesn’t always equal better.”

“In this case it does.”

“How dare you!”

“Is he always this passionate about pie?” Claire asks.

“Yes,” Cas, Eileen and Sam say at the same time.

Dean glares the three of them.

“He once gave us a monologue about what type of pie should be made for each month,” Eileen explains.

“Those were the longest fifteen minutes of my life,” Sam says, chuckling.

“Fifteen minutes?” Kaia asks in disbelief. “You’re kidding.”

“No, we aren’t,” Sam and Eileen say with matching smiles.

“Wow, Dean, I didn’t know you liked pie that much,” Jody says amused, never taking her eyes off Dean as she sits down to enjoy her slice of cake.

“Yeah, I’m a pie lover and I’m not ashamed of it,” Dean admits, sounding a bit annoyed. “Why do you guys find it so terrible?”

“I don’t find it terrible; I find it endearing,” Castiel confesses casually, and Dean turns his face to look at him. “You are really passionate about the things that make you happy, and I love that about you.”

Dean immediately blushes as he smiles at Cas softly.

“Wow,” Patience says suddenly, sounding a bit shaken.

“What is it?” Alex asks, concerned, at the same time that Jody asks, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just my psychic powers,” Patience answers, not giving it any importance. Then, she looks at Dean and Cas. “I just felt like a sort of a huge wave of love coming from Dean to Cas.”

“You can feel that?” Dean asks, surprised.

“I can only feel really strong emotions,” she explains casually. Then she makes the same face she did before, clearly not expecting the new emotion. “Now, I feel it from Castiel.”

Dean turns his face to look at Cas, who is looking at Dean with that soft face of his, the one Dean has come to know as the one that means that he is deeply in love with Dean.

And he knows he is looking at Cas in the same way too and that Cas knows that it means that Dean is deeply in love with him as well.

“You two are really in love,” Patience adds.

“I wish we had met you a long time ago, Patience,” Sam says, making a happy but frustrated face. “Dean and Cas had been in love with each other for years and they never said anything until a few months ago. You would have made things easier for them. And you would have also saved me from having to witness all the unnecessary pining and married bickering.”

Dean and Cas look at each other guiltily while everybody else laughs.

It might have taken them a long time to get to where they are now, but they made it. And that’s what matters.

* * *

A few weeks after celebrating Cas’ humanity at Jody’s, Dean, Cas, Sam and Eileen decide to take a trip to California and rent a house on the beach for a few days.

After five years wanting to do this, Dean is finally able to feel the sand in between his toes.

He even manages to convince the others to wear matching Hawaiian shirts, just to enjoy this experience at its maximum.

Dean can’t believe he gets to have this now.

He presses a lingering kiss on Cas’ temple and tightens his grip around him. Cas is sitting in front of him, with his back pressed to Dean’s chest. Castiel smiles and he turns his face to kiss Dean on the lips and then they press their temples together. They keep watching the sunset on the beach, loving the colors of the sky and of the sea, and enjoying the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, as well as the soft breeze that blows and the sand under they feet. And obviously enjoying being embraced together.

Sam and Eileen went to town to do some tourist shopping because they are like that. They will come soon, and Dean knows he and Cas need to start making supper, but it is hard to leave their nice spot.

“So many centuries alive,” Castiel beings to murmur in that deep voice of his. “And I am still marveled by the beauty of nature.”

“I’m glad you like it here,” Dean murmurs happily.

“I’m loving it here. Not just because of the place, but also because of the company.”

Dean chuckles. “You flirting with me, Cas?”

Castiel looks at him, frowning. “Why would I flirt with you? We are already together.”

“Now that you’re human, you could stop being so literal.”

Castiel glares him. 

“I know you try to be all menacing when you glare me like this, but I find it kind of sexy,” Dean admits before peaking Castiel’s lips.

“You are terrible, Dean.”

“The fucking worst, sweetheart,” Dean replies, grinning. He kisses Castiel again, making his glare disappear. Then, he tightens his grip around the former angel, who hums contently. “Is this real, Cas?”

Cas turns his face so their eyes can meet. Sometimes Dean still has trouble accepting that this is their lives now, that all of this is real. The little happiness he has had in his life only lasted briefly, and it was then quickly taken away from him. For almost all his life, Dean has learnt to fear happiness, because he knew that it was an ephemeral thing that always got easily replaced by a tragedy or a terrible amount of pain.

It is difficult to get rid of that fear.

Castiel moves, until he is kneeling in front of Dean. He grabs both of his freckled hands. He rests one of Dean’s palms on his chest, right on top of his heart, and he places the other on Dean’s chest. Dean can feel both of their beating hearts under his hands perfectly.

“It’s real. This is real. We are real,” Castiel says.

Dean nods. There are tears forming in his eyes, but he doesn’t fight them. He pulls Cas closer and they share a sweet kiss.

“Okay,” Dean says while he and Cas press their foreheads. “Okay. It’s just it’s hard to believe that good things can happen.”

“Good things do happen, Dean,” Castiel says with a beautiful smile, using a sentence he used more than ten years ago.

Dean smiles. “Yeah. You were fucking right all along.”

They kiss again and hold each other for a little bit more. Supper can wait for a little bit longer. Dean wants to enjoy this moment for as long as they can.

Time isn't running against them anymore.

* * *

With the combined work of Dean, Cas, Sam and Eileen, they manage to upload almost all the lore to the hunting network in a record time. Sam and Eileen are the ones who work more time on it, because both Dean and Cas have part time jobs. They had to create some fake documents for Cas so he could be hired, but thanks to those, he now works as a carpenter. It’s not the steadiest job, but Cas doesn’t mind that at all. He has the same schedule as Dean, so it is perfect for both of them.

But during weekends, they usually take a break and do some other chores or they just spend their time doing something fun or just going somewhere. It depends on their mood.

Today, Dean is ironing while Cas is out going on a run. He loves running, to Dean’s surprise, but unlike Sam and Eileen, he doesn’t like to wake up early to do such activity. He prefers to stay in bed, much to Dean’s delight.

Eileen is visiting a friend, and Sam is now in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereals, yoghurt and fruit. In Dean’s opinion, it doesn’t look tasty at all. He doesn’t really like the texture of yoghurt.

“How long do you think is gonna take us to upload the remaining files?” Dean asks as he irons one of their many plaid shirts. Cas and Eileen wear their own flannels too, although Dean and Cas share theirs. Still, the four of them have an impressive collection of flannel.

“Not more than two weeks,” Sam answers.

Dean hums. “And once we’re done with that, what do you plan to do?”

“I’m thinking about studying again,” Sam confesses, sounding both shy and happy. “And I’m thinking about getting a job in the meantime. Eileen is thinking about teaching in a deaf school.”

“That sounds really nice,” Dean says, feeling happy for his brother and Eileen.

“We’re also thinking about moving to somewhere in Lebanon,” Sam adds, cautiously. “We haven’t looked for anything yet, but that’s something we want to do someday.”

Dean studies Sam’s face. His brother looks slightly distressed and it is confusing Dean.

“Why are you giving me that look?” Dean asks.

“You’ve always panicked every time I wanted to move away, Dean,” Sam answers with an edge of bitterness.

“Well, you’re remaining here in Lebanon, so it’s not like you’re moving to the other side of the country. That would suck, but I’d still be okay with it.” He shrugs casually, and Sam starts looking at him almost in shock. “So you wanna move to a house here in Lebanon? That’s awesome. We can still see each other regularly and that’s awesome.”

Sam remains quiet, looking like he is not believing what he is hearing.

“Sammy, seriously, why the hell are you looking at me like that?” Dean asks, slightly bothered.

“Because I thought you would be having a hard time accepting that I want to move out,” Sam replies.

Dean rolls his eyes. “It’s fine, Sam. Really. Like I said, we’ll be close by, and that’s what matters. Who cares if we live in different houses? As long as we don’t have to drive for more than five hours to see each other, I’ll be happy. I’m getting too fucking old to drive for five hours straight. Or even three.”

Sam chuckles at that. “Wow, man, you don’t have any idea how reliving is to hear that.”

“You always make me sound as if I were an ass,” Dean complains.

“That’s because you are.”

“Fuck you, Sam.”

Sam laughs loudly as he leaves the kitchen.

Dean will take his revenge by ironing Sam’s shirts with beer.

* * *

“Cas, make sure that Dean labels everything correctly, please,” Sam says.

“Hey, I always label stuff correctly!” Dean protests.

“Oh, yeah? Because I believe the tag ‘gross stuff’ is quite vague.”

“It might not me the most proper label for the contents found under that label,” Castiel begins to say in his usual deadpan voice. “But I must admit that those contents easily fall under the category of gross stuff.”

Sam rolls his eyes.

Dean gets his arm around Cas’ shoulders and presses him against his side. He kisses his cheek and then says, “You’ve earned a blowjob tonight just for saying that.”

Castiel smiles delighted and slightly blushes, while Sam groans.

Eileen then appears in the storage room and gives Sam a knowing look. She doesn’t say a word, but Sam immediately blushes at her stare.

“I am trying to make sure that they’ll label things correctly,” Sam explains a bit guiltily. “It’ll make things easier in the future.”

“They’re staying here doing this on a Friday night while we go on a date,” Eileen reminds him. “Maybe you shouldn’t be so bossy.”

Sam pouts. “I’m not bossy, I just like having the storage room well labeled.”

“Sure,” Dean snorts with a cocky grin. It earns him a glare from Sam and a chuckle from Eileen.

“Don’t worry, Sam,” Castiel intervenes. “We will label everything as accurately as possible.”

“Thanks, Cas,” Sam says.

“And if we don’t, you can always do this task later,” Dean teases.

“Screw you, Dean.”

Dean simply laughs.

“Brothers,” Eileen says to Cas.

“ _Winchester_ brothers,” Castiel remarks with a rogue smile.

Eileen laughs while Sam rolls his eyes and Dean elbows Cas playfully.

“Anyway,” Eileen says as she takes Sam’s arm. “We should be going, Sam.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Sam says. Then, he gives Dean a smirk. “Have fun labelling everything.”

“How about you go and fuck yourself, Sammy?” Dean asks, giving him his middle finger.

Sam laughs, but his laughter is interrupted by Eileen dragging him away from the room. She appears one last time to give Dean and Cas an appreciative smile.

“Thank you for giving us a free night,” she says.

“You owe us,” Dean reminds her with a teasing smile.

She just shakes her head and smiles.

“Enjoy your date,” Cas tells her.

“Yeah, have fun,” Dean adds.

“Thank you,” Eileen says before waving her hand and disappearing.

“What if we just label everything wrong just to mess with Sam?” Dean suggests after he stops hearing Eileen’s and Sam’s steps in the hall.

“That might backfire you,” Castiel states.

Dean frowns. “How?”

“Sam might force you to repeat this task while he watches you carefully and tells you what to write exactly.”

“Fuck, you’re right,” Dean grunts. “Well, I guess we’ll have to do this right, huh?” He gets closer to Cas, until their shoulders are pressed together, and Cas looks at him with an arched brow. “Unless your beautiful and strategic brain has come up with a better way to mess with Sam.”

Castiel chuckles. “I might have some idea.”

“Yeah?” Dean asks before pressing a kiss on Cas’ shoulder. “Tell me.”

“There are still so many items to label and categorize. We obviously won’t finish this weekend. So, we could go somewhere next weekend so Sam can finish this.”

“Nice,” Dean hums, clearly pleased. “Got any place in mind?”

“As long as you come, I’m happy with any place.”

Dean blushes at that, which makes Cas smile in that beautiful and unique way that he only does for Dean. “You’re a sap, Cas.”

“Perhaps I am.”

Dean simply looks at him for a while. He lifts his hand to brush a few strands of hair from Cas’ temple. Then, he caresses Cas’ temple with the back of his hand, and Cas smiles gently at him as his fingers reach Cas’ lips. The former angel kisses them once, and Dean smiles brightly. These types of touches are becoming easier and more natural for them. They are no longer afraid of displaying their love for each other anymore.

“Want me to put on some record to make this task less boring?” Dean asks.

“Of course,” Castiel answers.

Dean kisses Cas’ cheek and then pulls away. He walks towards the record player and picks one of the oldest records in there. He could go to their room and pick one of his own records, but he knows that Cas loves some of the music from the forties and the fifties, and so does Dean, so Dean sticks to one of the vinyl records in that room.

He picks up one of Ella Fitzgerald. Dean doesn’t know most of her songs, but the one that starts playing is slow; it is the type of song that in old movies, couples used to dance along embraced.

Dean looks at Cas, who is focused on the contents on the table, trying to add them to the right box. Dean walks to him and he grabs his hand, catching his attention.

“Dance with me,” Dean asks, softly.

“I don’t know how to dance, Dean,” Castiel tells him with a frown.

Dean smiles. “Neither do I.”

He pulls Cas towards him, until they are pressed together. Dean easily gets his arms around the small of Cas’ back. Cas hesitates at first, not knowing where to put his hands, but then, he settles them on Dean’s shoulders and he presses their foreheads together as they sway together.

“This is nice,” Castiel murmurs.

“Yeah,” Dean agrees with a smile.

Castiel smiles back and he kisses Dean sweetly and slowly, never stopping their unexperienced and kind of uncoordinated swinging.

Dean sighs happily and he presses his temple against Cas’. Somehow they manage to press against each other even more.

“I love you,” Dean says before kissing Cas’ temple.

“I love you, too,” Castiel says. Then, he looks at Dean and leans to kiss him on the lips.

They keep dancing for a while, forgetting their task of labelling the items in the storage room for a couple of songs.

* * *

As Dean always does after he finishes his day at the garage, he goes to pick up Cas from wherever he is working at. This time, he is working almost at the other side of town, but Dean doesn’t mind at all.

When Cas hears the Impala’s engine, he smiles brightly as he waits for Dean to arrive.

Dean rolls down the passenger’s window and says, “Need a ride, sweetheart?”

It’s a line that Dean uses way too often, but it is worth it just to see Cas’ reaction. The former angel rolls his eyes or glares him, but there is always a soft smile on his lips. It’s a face that says that Cas can’t believe he fell in love with such an idiot, but it also says that he wouldn’t change him for anything.

“Are you ever going to stop saying that?” Castiel asks as he gets into the car.

“No,” Dean confesses, making Castiel shake his head in disbelief. Then, Dean leans over the seat, and Cas meets him halfway, sharing a brief kiss. “How was work?”

“Tiring, but good,” Castiel answers as Dean starts to drive away. “How was your day?”

“Busy. But good.” He turns his face and gives Cas a warm smile.

Cas returns the smile and then he rests his hand on the seat, in between their bodies. Dean immediately places his hand on top and they lace their fingers.

Dean keeps driving, but he isn’t driving them back to the bunker. There is a place he needs to show Cas first.

Cas immediately notices that they aren’t taking their usual way back home and he frowns.

“Where are we going?” Castiel asks.

“You’ll see,” Dean simply asks, smirking.

Castiel studies him with that intense gaze of his, trying to know what is going on. “Aren’t you going to tell me anything about where we are going?”

“You’ll see soon. We’re almost there.”

Castiel keeps looking at him intrigued, but he doesn’t ask anything more.

Dean drives for a few minutes, until he reaches their destiny. He parks the Impala in front of an old house that is in the woods, near a lake. He watches Cas’ face briefly, seeing that Cas doesn’t understand what they are doing in front of a house that is hidden in the middle of a forest and which looks slightly abandoned. The former angel turns his face to look at Dean, wanting to be given some sort of explanation, but he doesn’t get any.

All Dean says is, “C’mon, let’s get out of the car.”

They both get out of the car and stand in front of the house. Once again, Cas looks at Dean in confusion.

“Dean, why are we here?” Castiel asks.

“Because I wanted to show you this house,” Dean begins to say. He had been feeling slightly nervous about this, but now that he has to finally tell Cas, he is feeling extremely nervous. He knows it is ridiculous, because he is pretty sure that Cas will agree to this, but Dean’s self-doubt is something he still needs to work on. He’s getting better, though.

“I know it’s old, but it’s not that bad on the inside,” Dean keeps explaining. “It still needs to be fixed, we both would have to work on it, but if you want to, it can be ours. We can move in and live here instead of living underground like we do in the bunker. It’s close to where we work, and also close to the bunker, in case we ever need to go there for something. But it’s also in a really nice place, and it’s in the middle of a forest, and there’s a lake, and you can have a garden and plant whatever you want.” He utters every word quickly, his anxiety taking over his voice. He isn’t sure if Cas understood anything he just said, but he hopes he did. “It could be our home, if you want to,” Dean adds, a little bit calmer. He shrugs his shoulder, trying to make it look as if it this wasn’t such a big deal.

Castiel looks at Dean with so much love that Dean’s heart skips a beat. Then, he cups Dean’s face and gives him a breathtaking kiss that makes Dean’s legs feel as if they were made of jelly.

“Is that a yes?” Dean asks, still trying to catch his breath.

“Of course,” Castiel answers grinning.

“Yeah? Awesome.” Dean grins and he kisses Cas again, feeling so damn relieved. “Okay, I’ll buy it tomorrow. But you’ve gotta know that we’re gonna have to work hard on it.”

“I don’t mind it,” Castiel says, running his fingers through Dean’s sandy hair. “I must confess that I really love the idea of building a home with you, both in the literal and metaphorical sense.”

Dean chuckles. “Awesome.”

Castiel gets his arms around Dean and he does the same, hugging each other tightly.

“I love you so much, Dean,” Castiel says before kissing Dean’s temple.

“And I love you so fucking much, too, Cas,” Dean says back, grinning.

* * *

Working on the house isn’t easy, just like Dean promised, but neither Dean nor Cas mind it, because they know this is for them, and they are going to work as hard as they can to turn that little old house into their home.

They work on it every weekend, because from Monday to Friday, they both get from work tired and they don’t want to exhaust themselves even more. But during their weekends, they spend hours and hours on that house, slowly turning it into their home.

Sometimes Sam and Eileen come and help them with some tasks; after all they live just twenty minutes away from them now that they found a house of their own. But unlike Dean and Cas’ place, it doesn’t need work on it. And despite of Sam and Eileen’s insistence on helping them as much as they can, Dean and Cas insist on working on the majority of the house, wanting to give every corner a tiny piece of themselves.

It’s not an easy job, but it is so damn worth it.

“Fuck,” Dean groans as he rests his body on their bed in the bunker. “It feels too good to lie down.”

“It really does,” Castiel agrees, feeling the exhaustion of the day as well. They had been working on their future kitchen the whole day, kneeling on the hard floor for several hours. “I sincerely hope you don’t plan on waking up early tomorrow.”

“Hell, no,” Dean says, chuckling. “We aren’t leaving this bed ‘til midday at least. Then, we can go back to the house to keep working on something. But after all the work we did today, we deserve a rest, don’t you think?”

Castiel smiles. “I agree.” Then, he leans and kisses Dean softly.

When Cas pulls away, Dean rolls onto his side and chases Cas’ lips, not wanting to stop the kisses, something that makes Cas chuckle.

It doesn’t matter if they have kissed countless of times by now; every kiss still feels wonderful. There is always a giddy happiness in Dean whenever they kiss, and he suspects that Cas feels that way too, judging by the way he looks at him after they kiss.

They grin at each other when they separate their lips. Dean then gets his arm around Cas and snuggles closer to him. The former angel immediately gets his arm around Dean’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Dean can’t help but let out a content sigh. Cas smiles at him, in that private and soft way of his, as their eyes meet. He lifts his free hand to Dean’s face, and with his fingers, he begins to trace the constellation of freckles scattered on Dean’s cheeks and nose. His touch is light and soft, almost like the soft brush of a feather. His eyes follow the movement, marveling at Dean’s freckles before he rests his eyes on Dean’s green ones. His hand cups Dean’s face and Dean leans onto the touch, like he always does. Cas smiles tenderly but brightly.

“I know that face,” Dean says, almost whispering. “You’re about to tell me something sappy, aren’t you?”

“You are beautiful, Dean,” Castiel says.

It’s not the first time Cas has told him this. But Dean still feels overwhelmed by that word. Dean has been called so many things in his life regarding his appearance. Mostly enemies who mocked his physical features, crossing the line of violation, trying to make him feel sick. But none of them called him beautiful. No one has ever called Dean beautiful. And definitely, no one has complimented Dean the way Cas does, because Cas doesn’t only call Dean beautiful for his physical appearance; he also calls Dean beautiful because he finds what is inside Dean beautiful too.

Cas saw Dean with all his scars and all his brokenness and he still found him beautiful.

“There is not much I miss about being an angel,” Castiel adds after a small beat. He knows that when he compliments Dean, the ex-hunter remains silent, unable to say anything. Cas never judges him for that. He understands Dean’s silence. “But I do miss being able to see the beauty of your soul. It has always shone so brightly. But even if I can’t see it, it is still present in your face, in your eyes, in your body, in your voice, in your touches. You pour every part of your soul in everything, Dean.”

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean says, burying his face in embarrassment; he feels so self-conscious.

He is starting to hate himself a little bit less, but he still has a hard time accepting the wonderful words that Cas tells him. He says them so easily, believing each of them, and Dean is left speechless, trying to process and accept those words. But he is slowly letting those beautiful words sink under his skin, letting them to form part of him, to get rid of the ugly words that were carved in his bones and soul.

“What’s a guy supposed to say after all that stuff?” Dean asks, lifting his face slightly so their eyes can meet. “You just drop all these amazing words and I can’t even say half of them to you.”

“Maybe you don’t tell me those things with words, but you tell me all those things in different ways,” Castiel answers. Dean lifts his eyebrows, surprised at that. “You have always spoken to me like that since we met. I didn’t know it back then. But I do know that now.” He gives Dean a gentle smile. “You speak with your kisses, with your eyes, with your touches and also with your actions. You have gestures that always tell me the things you don’t say out loud. You say it when it’s raining and you always stop by to buy me coffee before you pick me up after work. You say it when you see something that you know I might like and then you show it to me. You say it when I fall asleep on the couch and you cover me with a blanket so I don’t get cold. You say it when you cook my favorite dishes when I had an exhausting day at work. You said it when you saw a house and decided to ask me to build a home with you. You are always saying how much you love me, Dean.”

Dean just stares at him for a while. Dean has been speaking his love to Cas in his actions and his gestures since before he knew he was in love with him.

“I’m glad you finally got that,” Dean says, trying to make the moment lighter. It still catches him by surprise how much Cas loves him and how well Cas knows him. But mostly, how Cas has seen Dean for who he really is and still loved him and found him beautiful. “It was about damn time,” he adds with a teasing smile. “I’ve been trying to tell you that I loved you for over eight years. You just didn’t get the message.”

Castiel huffs and glares him. “Dean, beloved, I rebelled against Heaven because of you several times. I lost an army for you. I died for you multiple times. You are in no position to protest about my lack of ability to see that you loved me when you failed at noticing that _I_ was in love with you.”

Dean knows that Cas has a point, but he still wants to tease him. “I gave you a fucking mixtape, Cas. One that I exclusively made for you. I think that I was being pretty obvious.”

“Dean, you told me ‘here’s some real music for you to hear in your car. Hope you like it.’.”

“I was trying to be subtle and cool about it!” Dean protests, making Castiel arch his eyebrow. “Besides, half of the songs in that tape were love songs, it’s your fault you didn’t get the message.”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “I have just told you that I didn’t know back then what your gestures really meant, Dean.”

“Okay, fine, whatever, we were both dumbasses,” Dean grumbles before pecking Cas’ lips. “I’m glad you know me well enough now.”

Cas smiles, tightening his grip around Dean. “I’m glad, too.”

“And I want you to know that you’re fucking awesome, fucking beautiful and that I love you so fucking much, with all the good and bad stuff that comes, just like you love me.”

Castiel smiles widely, making the crinkles in the corner of his eyes appear. Dean really loves those crinkles.

“Thank you, Dean.” He leans and they share a sweet kiss. “I love you in the same way.”

“Yeah, I know,” Dean says with a grin before he presses their lips together one more time. “I know now.”

* * *

Dean takes a last look at the table where the carved names are. Cas finally added his name not long after he came back, and so did Eileen.

Then he looks at the bunker. He knows they will come back, but this was the first place Dean could call home, the first place where he started to build a life, as little as it was. He built memories in that place, both good and bad. And he created a family.  
It’s not a goodbye; it a see you later.

But the bunker isn’t going to be his home anymore, because he and Cas have finished with the house, their home, and now, the only thing left for them to make their home complete, is bring the last of their belongings to that place.

Sam and Eileen helped them with the biggest stuff, but now, the only things left are mostly clothes and small items.

“Are you alright?” Castiel asks as he hugs Dean from behind and hooks his chin on Dean’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Dean says as he rests his hands on top of Cas and leans onto his solid and comfortable weight. “It’s just that I don’t like farewells.”

“I know,” Cas says, kissing his cheek. “We can stay here for a little longer if that’s what you need.”

“No,” Dean replies. He turns around so he can be face to face with Cas. He pecks his lips and laces their fingers. “Let’s go home.”

Castiel smiles gently and nods.

* * *

It takes them a couple of hours to put the last of their belongings in the home, and when they finish, they look at each other, not completely believing that they just officially finished with their home.

“We’re done with the house,” Dean comments.

“Indeed,” Castiel agrees.

They immediately grin at each other and they hug tightly.

“I love you,” Cas says as easily as he always does when he says those words, putting so much emotion and love in each of them.

“I love you, too, Cas,” Dean says before kissing Castiel tenderly. He hopes that his words also carry as much love as Cas’ words. “So, how about we celebrate?” Dean suggests with a charming smile after pulling away slightly. Both he and Cas keep holding each other, pressed together and looking at their faces. “Maybe we can give a good use of our new bed.” He moves his eyebrows suggestively and puts on his most seductive smile.

“Dean, it’s the same mattress we had in the bunker. You didn’t want to leave it behind,” Castiel deadpans.

“Yeah, so? The rest of the bed is new.”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “If you just want to have sex, you don’t need to use such a weak excuse.”

Dean huffs. “As if I ever needed an excuse for us to have sex.”

Castiel chuckles and makes an agreeable face. “That’s true.”

“So, what do you say?” Dean asks in between kisses, making Castiel hum.

“How about we have dinner first, and then we can make love twice on our bed?” Castiel suggests with a lovely smile and with his usual deep voice.

“Twice?” Dean asks, delighted. “Fuck, yeah.”

Castiel smiles and he kisses Dean.

“You want something special for dinner?” Dean asks. Their fridge is full, so they can cook almost anything. “Do you want me to make you that pasta you love so much?”

“I would love that, Dean.”

“Awesome.”

He steals another kiss before the two of them go downstairs to their new kitchen.

* * *

They invite Sam and Eileen for lunch next day so they can celebrate together that Dean and Cas have finally finished working on their house.

Dean and Cas are both in the kitchen, preparing all the ingredients for the burgers and the French fries they are going to make when they hear Sam and Eileen’s car approaching.

They stop what they are doing and greet them in the porch, exchanging hugs. It is always so good to see them. They always try to see each other every weekend, unless they have other plans, but they are still so present on their lives. And Dean loves it.

“We brought these,” Sam announces as he shows two packs of bottle beers.

“Hell yeah!” Dean says as he grabs the bottles.

“And this,” Eileen says as she shows a tiny pot with a plant. “For your garden.”

“Thank you so much,” Castiel says as he carefully takes the pot.

“Come in, you guys!” Dean exclaims happily. “Me and Cas will take care of these awesome gifts first and then we’ll give you a tour.”

Sam and Eileen chuckle at that, amused at Dean’s enthusiasm, Cas looks at him with so much love in his eyes.

After Dean puts the beers in the fridge and Cas leaves the pot on a sunny spot, they begin to show Sam and Eileen the house. They have seen the progress, but they still look impressed at seeing what Dean and Cas accomplished during all those months, making the house look brand new and so damn nice and cozy.

Once they have showed them everything, they go to the kitchen. While Dean and Cas take care of the food, Sam and Eileen set the table and then sit around it, and the four start to talk about their week first and then about any other random topic that comes up.

As always, they laugh a lot as well.

“Cas,” Sam says once Dean has put the patties on the grill. “When some of the vegetables in your orchard begin to grow, would you mind giving us some to eat at home?”

“I planned on giving you as many as you wanted to,” Castiel confesses.

“Thank you,” Sam and Eileen say at the same time.

“But give them the smaller and worse looking ones,” Dean suggests. “We’re definitely keeping the best ones.”

Castiel snorts while Eileen chuckles and Sam rolls his eyes.

Dean can’t wait to be able to cook food that grows in their backyard.

As Dean checks on the fries, Cas begins to set on four plates the buns, adding to each of them different ingredients, knowing what toppings and condiments each of them likes.

“Cas, sweetheart, can you get me the slices of cheese?” Dean asks as he flips the patties.

“Of course,” Castiel answers.

He goes to the fridge and then he hands Dean the slices of cheese. Cas presses a kiss to his cheek, which makes Dean smile widely. When Castiel sees that smile, he grins in that way he only does to Dean. He is so damn lucky to see that grin that nobody else can see.

Sam teases them by making kissing noises, and Dean shows him his middle finger before he gives Cas a passionate kiss that makes Eileen start laughing while Sam makes some sort of grunt, but Dean knows he must be smiling.

When they pull away, Cas is looking at him with so much love in his eyes that Dean can feel it in his heart.

Then, Dean adds the slices of cheese to all the patties, adding some extra for Cas, because he really likes cheese, and Cas begins to serve the fries on a tray so they can all share them.

Soon, the four of them sit around the table to enjoy the tasty burgers, the crispy fries and the cold beers.

For dessert, there is an apple pie that Dean and Cas made together, obviously.

Even after they have eaten, they remain seated around the table, talking and laughing, enjoying each other’s company. Dean can’t help feeling so damn happy, because he never thought he would ever have a house like this, a house that he could call home, living with the man he loves and enjoying a nice evening with him, his brother and his future sister-in-law.

Not even in his wildest dreams, Dean would have ever imagined he would have been able to have any of it. His life was made of nightmares, not dreams. But that isn’t the case anymore.

“Let’s make a toast,” Sam suggests, raising his bottle. “To being finally free.”

“And to being alive,” Eileen says.

“And to being in love,” Castiel adds.

“And to being happy,” Dean finally adds.

They click their bottles, grinning at each other as they do so, and then they take a long sip.

Dean looks at Cas, who is grinning at him once again. Dean can’t resist leaning to share a sweet kiss with the man he loves, treasuring the way Cas happily sighs against his lips. Kissing Cas never gets old, and Dean loves it.

When they pull away, Cas rests his head on Dean’s shoulder and Dean instantly gets his arm around him, pulling him closer, while Castiel rests his hand on the small of Dean’s back. He kisses the top of his head and then he looks at Sam, who is holding Eileen against his chest. Both Winchester brothers smile at each other.

They keep talking for several hours, laughing every once in a while. In the distance, they can hear the wind softly blowing the leaves of the trees.

A long time ago, Dean had been afraid of living. He had thought that he would die young in a hunt, because that’s all he knew. But now, being with Cas, the love of his life, in this house –their home- and having Sam and Eileen there too, Dean is so fucking happy to be alive. He is so happy for the chance to wake up every day and be alive. He is so happy to wake up with Cas, the man he loves, and to know that Sam and Eileen are close by and are also happy and alive.

Dean finally found what he never thought he could have. He has a man he loves and who loves him. He has a brother who is alive and happy with an amazing woman who he loves and also loves him. And Dean also has the will to live.

Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to all of you for reading and for all the wonderful comments you have left me. I hope you enjoyed this fix-it fic as much as I did when I wrote it. Thank you so damn much for everything.


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